Lonely
Dear Diary,
:::Sigh:::
Well my mom took my youngest for the eve. So it was me and my oldest. I tried hitting up Music dude to hang out with he and his daughter. Since we talked about that before, but then he said he wasnt going to go anywhere today just wasnt up to it.
I got ready and me and kiddo went out to dinner, then to AppleBees for dessert. I swear Im so lonely for a friend or someone! The waiter guy was really cute, he took our order then came back twice, lol HE COULDNT REMEMBER IT RIGHT! And so he said “Im sorry forgive me, Im new” He had the prettiest smile. I said “Are you nervous?” hes all “I think Im just trying to hard” So once again I gave him our order for 2 desserts. He was so adorable this guy. He was new but just trying to do a good job, and well dammit I wanted to tell him how cute he was and to keep up the smiles cause he will get great tips. But I was quiet. 🙂
I tried calling music dude after dessert, I was willing to drive on out and just hang out at his place with the kids if he didnt want to go out. But he didnt answer, I ran by the store with my kiddo just a bit ago. He called while I was there. I said we could come and hang out. Hes all “You have your kid?” Im like “Yeah so?” I dunno, just his vibe has changed since I last saw him. Its kinda bummed me out. People just piss me off I guess. I want people over, people to hang out with. I was envious tonight eating with my kiddo, people coming in with groups of friends, eating, talking, socializing, laughing. I want that. 🙁 I want friends.
And friends with kids too!
So music dude said he was just gonna chill at home. I said ok. I came home tonight and removed him from my buddy list. Its just kinda hard for me to see his name on all the time. I do miss hanging out with him. But I dont wanna be annoying either.
B called me today. I found the message later, he called before work and shared about working on his car today and how it was running so great now and he was so happy. It was a sweet message. I mean his tone was sweet and the fact he called to tell me. Yet I just sit there. Im sad. It wont make up for the lack of his presence.
IM LONELY,