Stuff about Guys

Dear Diary,

I was messaged last night by a guy I havent spoken to since the week after my ex and I split up. So well over a year and a half. I wrote about this guy in the past. I met him at a online party YEARS ago during my marriage. And I have to say he was about the most beautiful looking man Id ever seen. Very pretty boyish looks, baby faced, dark thick hair. And there was an immediate chemistry between us. He was always sweet to me and we had a online friendship. I saw him at 2 other parties, he hung around me, adored me, and the last actual time I saw him was at my birthday party years back. I can remember him with his arm around me just being a sweetie pie, full of flirting. But things remained friends and there was never a line crossed. Later at my birthday party I found out he was dating this older woman who showed up and they began to make out heavily in the corner. I was a bit puzzled because he was so attentive to me( yes I was married) but then to see him shift gears and off with her, and she was well “Trashy?” but life went on, we maintained our friend status online, he was in a hell relationship now with this woman and always complaining. I was wanting out of my marriage so we vented together.

He was talking to me right when my ex moved out. Said he wanted to take me to Disneyland, pay for the hotel and everything just to get me away. I was so excited! We talked on the phone one night and invited him to come over. It was about an hour and a half drive for him. So we debated back and forth, he had never been this way before. And he finally said something like “Ok so if Im gonna drive all the way something is going to happen right?” I sat there stunned. I said “NO? Inviting you over doesnt mean anything is gonna “Happen” which I figured he was alluding to having sex. And well he cut the convo short and left. I havent talked to him since.

I was very hurt and in shock my this. I told a girlfriend who knew him also and she said he was a slut and was with a friend of hers also, which this woman has slept with everyone. He is a good looking man, very much so, GQ looking, and to hear about what he does, women hes with, theres something not right with the guy. I found out he borrowed money from another girl I know and never paid her back. ANd just stories. I was crushed, did he only invest those years into a supposed “Friendship” with me to try and get sex? And once I said no he was GONE.

So then to get a message from him last night was a real shocker. I said Hello stranger and asked why he was messaging me. He seemed puzzled and said “I wanted to? Why are you mad at me?” and then I reminded him of our very last conversation. He said he did not remember it. So I repeated it to him. He wrote “OMG I said that to you? What a ASS I was!” and he sat there a few minutes then said “I totally forgot all about that, but now that you have repeated it I do remember it. I really dont know why I ever said that to you. I have always liked you and respected you and thought you were a sweetheart. I really had my head up my ass and still cant believe i said that to you. I really need to eat humble pie right now.

I didnt say much else back other then “So Im not sure why you are talking to me but I want you to know if you still think that way dont waste your time talking to me because Im not looking for that” he apologized and said he would never say anything like that again and I told him that was unacceptable to me so dont ever do it again.

We then talked a bit. Just an update on life. He went back with that older woman again, hes talking of moving out this week and leaving her. Said there is drugs, gambling, cheating, etc going on in the relationship. But I notice how he was Mr innocent in it all. I have heard plenty about him so I just dont buy it. But I just shared things I have learned about unhealthy relationships with him and talked about getting help and a counselor.

I think what was the greatest part for me of the whole discussion was I didnt just place nice girl, come back into my life after what you did. I put it out there right away what he said, told him it wasnt ok with me and that he better not do something like that again to me. And I put it all up front and stood up. So that felt good, I didnt used to do things like that.

I had group last night. Shared about the nite out to eat with B and the comment he said about his life sucks and always has and what is good about it? Then when I said “Well perhaps maybe you have a girlfriend?” then him saying Im the only good thing in his life and probably what prevents him from putting a bullet to his head.”

So of course the ladies all said RED FLAGS and had comments to put out.

We did talk some about it, the therapist I see runs the group now so she knows more my background and about B.

I basically said I didnt know how to respond to such a comment. That I didnt like it, and Im aware of how that type of statement can be a way men put blame on you for things. Such as Im what keeps him happy and not wanting to die, so if I leave him look what I will do to him and that can inflict guilt and control on a woman. I said I was aware of that and I have learned so much I saw that right as he said it and WILL not accept that as my responsibility.

I shared my concern for B. That I really dont know what is going to happen. That my life is on the upswing and I am happy about that. THat I would love for him to be on the path with me, but only he can make that choice. THat I will start living my life, and I am now and thinking of all these things I want to start doing since I may have more time with my ex seeing the kids more. And I wil have to start planning things minus B if he cant afford them or is in the dumps. Either he will stay there or get himself a job or some help.

I said that I do care about him though, as a friend moreso. Because we do have a friendship, one that went before we ever got together. Im not ready to just leave him. But I also will not be brought down by him.

They all said “Well of course hes putting the guilt on you, he wants you to take care of him, ask him to move in” I said “WELL IM NOT” and they said “EXACTLY! And that is what he is trying to get you to do” I dont know if thats true or not, but its not an option anyways. I wont ask B to move in. This is his own thing to figure out.

So they did commend me for seeing things and being aware. I will talk more on Wed at counseling though one on one.

I really dont have any plans for the next weekend and actually for once seeing B isnt really a thought? Not that I wouldnt but I am not really wanting to make effort to? I just actually dont know how to be around him right now. I feel at this weird point with him, where I feel I have moved beyond him or something, Like we dont have much in common?

But I do believe he is depressed right now and he doesnt really do much so there isnt much for him to talk about or share. Which makes for stale conversation between us. I talk, he listens, he says “Well I wish I had something exciting to tell you” and shares maybe about something he did on the computer.

Which isnt a terrible thing. I just miss the growing together, and I guess that is what I feel is not occurring. Maybe he will pull out of this, he went through this when we were first dating and had to move and was without a job and he acted in the same manner then. So we shall see.

OMGOSH! I keep forgetting to add! I messaged that guy about a week ago the one I went out with briefly, Mr Comedian. We talk a little bit online now. But he is bitter towards me, he was very rude the day I said hello. Responding with “Hello? Who are you? Do I know you?” I just said Jerk to myself and ignored him and didnt say anymore, a bit later he addressed me nicely and asked how my kids were. So we have chatted a little, he messages me now. But the convos are short, he is going home end of this month then to Europe with his family to visit his Sis. That will be good for him.

So thats it for now!