More on My Eve

Dear Diary,

Well I showered, omgosh Im soo burned! I look so funny! I did NOT do a good job with the sunblock today at all!

Thank God she has an aloe vera plant, I just put some all over my burns.

I just looked at my last entry, and noticed how I shifted gears totally from the day before. Last night Mr C and I spoke on the phone and he apologized to me and said he had some fears about the kids, and it was due to his bonding with his last love interests child, I reassured him Im not wanting to be all lovey dovey date, be my kids daddy. I just wanted to enjoy a day out, enjoy someones company. So he was the one who iniated all of us go out today.

I also didnt write that B and I spoke, B came out last night, bought pizza for the kids and I and we all watched a movie. He stayed also.

We talked last night, I still love him so this is difficult. Ive never been good and cutting off contact with one person. And dont feel I should have too, B and I are very connected physically, I find the man utterly and completely sexy and attractive. I can just be sitting next to him and feel turned on. These are the new things you learn, about others. I know just that feeling cannot be the basis and core of a relationship, but it is a very overpowering feeling that keeps me feeling connected. Mr C is cute, but nothing like B, But he has so many beautiful wonderful attractive inner qualities.

Hes hairy, ok I said it, ugh Im always comparing people. Why? How does one stop doing so? Hes much like B as far as balding on top and shaving their heads.

im glad that Mr C and I did talk about sex and the physical aspect, About taking it slow and the way we hooked up my first night here, that it was an unusual circumstance and he made it clear to me tonight he wants to get to know ME. So he told me not to feel pressured in any way in that department.

Meanwhile B does not like this situation, hes not being mean about it but hes not happy and wants to fix it and is asking me for solutions, what can he do. And its not as simple as that. I told B he needs to go and take care of his personal issues. Go get some help. That if he feels worthless as a person then how can he make a relationship work? If that is how he views his own self.

I slept with B last night. It was incredibly wonderful. Erotic and passionate, it was like a lot of stress release, the energy between us. It makes me feel so close to him, hes a wonderful lover.

Yet I dont yearn for that outside of B really , I dont long to sleep with Mr C or get all turned on around him. But Im just getting to know him, and I really dont want to rush into that. Its a different chemistry with B and I. I am just so drawn to him and have been since our first night together. Its very conflicting, but I am free to date who I want now. Its just still confusing