Counseling
Dear Diary,
Just got back from counseling. Wow found a letter sent to Ex’s attny in my mailbox. They jumped on the matter fast. 🙂 About him saying hes going to report the shell stolen. They said if he goes forward to make a report of theft that I will have to go and report My ex for a fradulent claimed since he had told me he no longer wanted it last year.
Its a silly issue, but this is the first time Ive had an attorney who is handling this stuff for me. Its nice I must say.
Anyways, talked about the guy thing in counseling.
She really liked the sound of the new guy. She told me I am new to dating, Im not familiar with it and there are skills I havent learned. And there are parts of B that are safe and familiar so I feel all scared about new things.
She said she sensed some feelings of guilt coming from me for wanting to not be with B and is that what is making me stay? Feeling sorry?
She didnt say it was a bad thing to continue to see B, but she pointed out some things he has said to me such as
“You set it up this way, you told me when I can or cant be around the kids, I just let you call the shots”
“I put up with all your shit when you were going thru all your stuff with your ex” in response to my saying he needs to deal with his issues.
She said “Victoria that is blaming you, putting things on you.” She said, as far as me feeling bad cause hes been there and listened to my tears and pain she said “YOU DONT OWE HIM FOR THAT, when a person gives of themselves it is a gift, not something where you OWE someone”
She also said that he is shifting all the emphasis off getting to know the kids more and blaming me for the reason. So I said well how do I change that discussion. She said “Say something like “Well B, yes that is how it was in the past, but not anymore, so what do YOU want to do change that” she said and encourage HIM to talk and share and not let me be the one to call all the shots, way too much of that has occurred between B and I. Me calling the shots, see cause then its easy to blame me because “I made it that way” I need to challange B for solutions and answers and see what he has to say.
But she did say “If you feel uneasy about bringing B around friends or family, there is a reason, and if you feel different about Mr C, well you need to listen to those things”
But I also predict a lot, I need to stop, I need to let things happen and play out. Like I havent seen B around many people I know. So I need to base that on what i see and not on what I assume.
Well off for now!