Soooo

Dear Diary,

Well Mr C met the kids last night. They were outside playing until almost 11pm! Thats because the whole street was still a buzz with kids and fireworks. The kids had such a great day, although they got toasty on their neck and faces. Since we are closer to the beach the weather is ideal, not hot not cold, just perfect. No running AC, just open a window and its comfy. I love it!

Mr C helped the kids with the playstation, well the kids loved him, and actually I loved watching him. He is VERY good with kids and a lot of fun. It was just a hang out deal meet the kids blah blah blah. I dont mind them meeting people in my life, I think its important they do. Its the private aspect of a relationship I keep personal at this time, my kids dont need to deal with or worry about that, not now, and not until I am sure this is someone Im in with for the long haul. Which this guy totally understands. Its not about him being out of my life and hidden from my kids. He is all game for hanging out with us today, I just gotta figure out what we are gonna do.

The whole area of sexuality is something different for me, Im not quite sure how to handle. I slept with B right away at the get go, and yes I could do the same with this guy. But Im cautious. I dont truly know him well enough. Plus after my friends scare with a STD, Im even more on guard.

We snuggled up, he only had about 2 hrs sleep the night before. We talked for awhile before the kids went to sleep, about B, and about this woman he used to be WITH. He said the last time they were intimate was last year. That she is just emotionally unavailable yet wants to keep him as a friend and do things with him with no physical aspect. He said he feels hes used party for her son, since he gets along so well with him. And he really wants me to meet her! haha its weird, Im not sure what this all is. But hes told her hes gone out with me, so obviously its all cool. They invited me to watch fireworks at the main park here last night but we can see them where we are staying and just stayed put here. He drove her and her son home afterward then came and hung out with me.

I worry too much at times, about everything I do. Do I give the wrong impression or wrong idea. Mr C either just presses his lips to mine to shush me when I start doing this and last night I was all knowing he wanted to make love to me but wasnt gonna happen. I told him “I believe in being safe” and he just told me to come here and placed me on his chest and that was it, he didnt say anymore, we slept like babies and he left early this AM and wants me to call when I know the plan for today.

B and I spoke online throughout the day and eve yesterday. He wrote me an email last night telling me goodnight and he wasnt sure if calling me was appropriate now with our relationship. I wish he wasnt so pulled back about things and just was assertive at times, its cool to call me. I always want calls I rarely have them from him anymore.

Wow its almost 8am and my kids are zonked out still, they have been up late, normally these kids are up by 7am at their latest.

I dont know what to do today, I think I feel a lil overwhelmed. I like Mr C. I just dont want to deal with worrying about sex at this point, yet I just want to snuggle up to him all night. Soooo