HATE

Dear Diary,

Still awake, its about 1:30am. I wonder if I will sleep at all tonight.

I pray the Lord give me strength tommorow. That the truth is shown, that the judges are wise, that my attorney does his job well as I have been told her does. I rest on the faith that he is a man who loves the Lord also.

I pray that my ex would just stop messing with me and the children. Just go about his own life and stop toying with ours.

Im so full of hate and anger towards him. Yes Im supposed to be loving and forgiving as a Christian. Each day I work hard to rebuild my life. I hate him for what he is doing. I HATE HIM!

Why do people inflict such pain! This is intentional.

My Exs Stepmother, on his Dads side. Left his Dad and ran away and hid with their 3 children. And she never went back, the kids did not see their Dad until they were all around 16-18. And they never kept in touch with him all those years. She did not want him screwing up their lives. They ran away from him.

The family helped hide her and the children throughout their lives. I just wish I could live with my kids, and not have him in our lives.

Its like GOd, then my dog dissapears. Why? Why all these things? Why God, what is going on? What do you want to show me. Im doing the best I can, I get so tired at times God. I just want to get away. Im tired of crying, and struggling, and trying to keep my head together each day while someone tries constantly to undermine me. The father of my CHILDREN!

HOW CAN PEOPLE BE THIS WAY????? HOW CAN THEY DO THIS?????

Im so angry and pissed off, Yes I want him to pay! I want him to face himself and to be shown how ugly he truly is and what he has done and is doing and for ONCE be accountable for it! I want to scream to the world to listen to me and hear what he has done and finally make it known its REAL.

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW FOR WHAT YOU ARE DOING! I HATE THE PERSON YOU ARE!

I HATE THAT I LOVED YOU AND BELIEVED IN YOU!

I