Friendship and Trust

Dear Diary,

Ahhh yes I return! I cant help it, kids are now asleep and Im sitting in silence, no television, no music. Im just reading thru diaries at this point. Finished reading Salamanders wine inspired entry. It was good, 🙂 The whole friend issue, trust, hate, ahhh such good topics.

Today my girlfriend signed online and we chatted briefly. She is married and living in Co. She has been a big part of my life and was my best friend thru highschool and into my marriage. She was in my wedding, planned my baby showers. But I wont go into the full story. We both were in church together. She had wanted to be a missionary and live in Israel after spending a summer there. But alas my Ex and I set her up on a date, and her dreams and goals went POOF, and so did our friendship for 3 years because of our concerns about their relationship. We have since been reunited as friends for a little over 2 yrs. But just as she changed, I have now changed. We still love one another. But she is now into this new way of thinking that comes from her spouse. The whole we are Predestined by God and too bad for the rest of you we are going to heaven. She has told me at times “You need to Obey God” regarding me getting divorced. I finally reached a point where I tell her “Listen I know you do not understand where I am coming from, but this is what I am doing” So I talked to her today and told her it is over. I had shared with her briefly in Nov or so something about missing the (now boyfriend) but then we were broken up and hadnt seen one another in 2 mos. She made some comment about him being, ohh what was the word, something along the lines of “out of Gods will” and I just didnt like her saying that when she didnt even know him.

All my friends have just changed, just as I have. My other best friend from more of my schools years is in Nevada and just messaged me yesterday. But her daily stories are of teething and Barney. Yes she has a baby and toddler. And shes a military wife.

We are all changing, we just arent on the same pages anymore. We have that love that goes past it all, but still we dont click anymore like we used to when we could have good times. I so much miss that.

So onto the trust, and friends. I think of what happened with Boyfriend and I after I stopped dating him last year around Sept. After this and on my birthday a long time female friend of his told a terrible lie to him about me. It was so proposterous I couldnt even believe it. And then that he believed it. I knew of his fondness for her because they had a lot of history together, but I never trusted her, I knew her from group outings and we talked and i had no probs with her, but I watched the way she spoke about others. I didnt trust her plain and simple. I became so outraged and angry at her for tampering what he and I had. I was so hurt also that he believed her. He later apologized and said he just didnt understand why she would do this? And me on the other hand I got so insistant that this woman is no friend at all and that if this is who he chooses to call friends in his life I want no part of it. He said “Are you telling me I cant have her as a friend? I will not allow you to tell me this. Im agreeing with you that what she did is terrible and I still do not understand where this is coming from and why she did this, but I will take that up with her myself” I became more angry. I wanted him to curse her name and drop her as a friend forever.

It took me several weeks. I was sooo angry inside at her for doing this. Then found out she has done this to others in the past from talking about it among friends.

I then started to think of my girlfriend in Nevada. Shes a gorgeous woman always could get a guy wherever we went. But she doesnt have the most flattering personality, she gets into fights with people often and does not hold friendships long. I have witnessed this my whole life since we have known one another as children. And I can totally see her being nasty to people and out of line, BUT I still love her. I understand her. I know where it stems from. Im not saying its ok, but I see beyond those parts. I know whats underneath. I know the person from time and history together, from slumber parties, to tears. We didnt speak for over a year before I got married. I sent her an invite, she showed up. ANd as she came down the line to do the greeting, she and I didnt say a word, but we just hugged so tight and we both cried. No words said but we both made peace that day and new everything was ok.

So I can understand the boyfriends thoughts about his friend now, how he was upset at her for what she had done, but I had no right to tell him who he can or cannot have as friends. I can make the choice if this is unacceptable for me to move on. But not tell another what to do.

This happens on here all the time. There are people who rub me wrong here, heck I rub somebody wrong. 🙂