Open

Dear Diary,

Yes my friends I know this entry and a few others are open and they are meant to be. 🙂

I have time alone for a week, time to myself, 7 days of being alone.

I havent had this amount of time in years. I was sort of looking forward to it, then now that its here? Yesterday I felt some anxiety, wanted to hop in my vehicle and go to my husband. Ive seen him so much lately that even though Ive been so busy and had very little time for myself, it was nice being that busy, and then I am not slowed down and sitting still alone with my own thoughts.

Is that so bad? No. Its good for me, but at the same time, I want to run from it.

Im dealing with a lot, a lot of sleepless nights, worry and thoughts wake me up. I struggled with it last week and some this weekend, its getting better.

Ive been playing Joyce Meyers all day yesterday, a little today, Im amazed at how her messages just speak so much to everything Im dealing with, feeling, going thru, struggling with.

She just NAILS it.

So I was thinking how badly I needed this alone time, not only just to rest and take a break and time out for me, but also spiritually to recharge, I have been dealing with such a stressful tough situation for so long, crying out to God to make it stop, intervene, help, YOU NAME IT, Ive prayed it…. and Im still uncertain as to what to do or handle it all. Yesterday I get the a message and the thing from it was “WAIT” to wait, not do much, leave it alone.

So that is where I am at this moment.

Today I did something, I went thru inventory, I must have unloaded a good 7 trashbags of stuff! I have way too much Im storing here and its overwhelming me and making me feel burdened, so I finally dived in, when I do stuff like this though I want it gone right away! Today thrift stores were closed to donate to, so I put an ad on freecycle, and a woman came tonite and took all the bags, plus a box I put together of beauty products I no longer wanted either, She took ALL OF IT! I mean it was A LOT.

So not only did I make a dent in things around here, it was all gone within the same day!

I also loaded the vehicle with other things to take to the local thrift to donate tomm.

I feel I need to simplify my life more. Ive gotten better with my business and what sells and what doesnt, so Im limiting more of my inventory and weeding out things. I will probably weed more out tomm.

I want my house to be less cluttered, the first day alone I went and removed all the crap from my office and put it in the kids room, and then I vacuumed the office, cleaned my desk, organized papers, shredded, you name it, then I was able to work and have my mind set, had to do my sales and use tax and pay those taxes, and I was able to complete it in one day. YAY!

And I walk into my office so open and wish it was always like this, so Im working hard to make things different and this week could be a great start.

Ive also felt tempted to just hop in the vehicle and go be with my husband, he told me today “I think your nuts, dont, we need to save $$$”

Its 6 hrs one way to get to him and Ive made the trek 3 weeks in a row back and forth so far. I miss him. I miss being away from him, I pray often for God to bring us back together, living together that is and a way to make it happen with all the things we are dealing with.

I keep wondering if I will be moving, so I keep telling myself Im not even ready to move with all this stuff I have. So I have to get busy, if God wants me to move and Im not ready? Well this is MY TIME to get ready right?

Watching an episode of Hoarders on A&E always makes me wanna go get rid of stuff, so thats what I did last nite, haha, and you see? I got rid of quite a bit today! And the more I do, the more I want to do more. Im sitting here wanting to clean the laundry room tonight, its almost 1am but Im feeling tired also so I will have to stop for the day.

I love all my sermons, watching Joyce Meyers preach, then I visited Jentzen Franklins site, and watched 2 of his sermons, at first I was kinda eh, then as he spoke awhile I got into his preaching style, and by the last sermon I watched I was crying!

So much blessing from these preachers, I love them 🙂

Thank you God for all the blessings and answered prayers, Im still seeking answers on how to deal with whats heaviest on my heart, and Im still crying out for your intervention or some clarity here on this situation, please show me what to do. Amen