Spinning Thoughts

Dear Diary,

Ugh.

You know I know that we all have our inside issues to deal with, Do yours just ever frustrate the hell out of you?

I have been doing pretty good so I thought.

Well I guess I have to remind myself that I will have times of issues but it doesnt make me not well or something, because I usually pull through and learn from things.

Its this obsessive thinking thats bugging me. I dont like being this way.

I do it at times with B, with the drug thing or phone thing or looking through stuff.

Or this thing with my ex, it just tripped me off again. I think ultimately with my ex im infuriated hes not being held accountable for his actions and I want something to happen and to see him strolling through life still and BSing his way is totally frustrating to watch.

But its out of my control and that is tough. If I had my way Id have him in court tomm before a judge reaming him for his actions and laying down some consequences.

I called the DA again this AM to check the status. Hell there hasnt been any activity since the beginning of April. Just says “It has been referred to another search agency” So basically he asked for a modification when I filed, came in with a smile and a pay stub and said “Oh yes I will pay” and we left.

That was almost 4 mos ago now. And then he gives me his bullshit calls now and then “Ill have some money for you next week” I dont even believe him. I just say uh huh.

This is probably the LONGEST he has not paid support at all. Granted he never paid what he was supposed to but he did pay SOMETHING. Now its just flat out nothing and you would think he would be more scared now that the DA is on the case? Nope instead he does nothing once I have gone to the DA.

ANyways, Im all consumed with this crap and I know its not good for me. And perhaps its just that I have more time now to sit and THINK. SInce Im not at work all week.

Yes but I know my tendency is to be a busy body so I dont have to think, Im just busy busy busy, So it seems once I stop being busy, my mind goes nuts. Does anyone relate to this? I mean what can you do with it?

And I know its just a pissed off feeling in general with the way things are going.

Im the one who gets left with the crap. Im the responsible one, Im the one carrying more of the load, and Im feeling very resentful about it all. I even told B that last night.

No Im not taking half of the washer repair of his bills for the month. Hell I just shelled out $1500 for the roof job that my parents paid the rest for. Plus the guy came and did the electrical and B told me to ask him about the laundry room to get fixed, did B pay anything? Nope.

Ive had enough, seriously.

This stuff has gotta fucking stop you know?