Marriage & Shacking Up

Dear Diary,

Morning.

Ahhh boyyyyyyyyyyyy

Well Im tired this AM but doing okay. 🙂

A lot of things said last night and thoughts in my mind.

So just much to mull over.

My Big sister called and I talked to her some about B and I. She asked about why live together, and are we talking marriage? Why not marry, what kind of a commitment is this? I mean if Im not sure and feel I need to “Try it Out” then that concerns her.

My girlfriend from San Diego is in town, I just called her this AM and the first thing she asked was “So are you guys getting married? When I last spoke to you he was doing things to woo you back, and talking about moving out there”

Its really hard, I feel pulled in so many directions, so many peoples thoughts and opinions and morals and beliefs. Trying to sift through it all and find where I am in the midst of it all. I dont want to marry cause someone said its what I should do. Been there done that before.

I also have to make my own choices, that B and I are not other people, that each situation is individual and different.

B is pretty loyal, he has not really wanted to leave me since the get go, Im the one whos pulled back and broken up. Not saying he was the best boyfriend, but he did want to hang with me and always has.

Yes we have discussed marriage. He says hes not opposed to it, and he also isnt like “We have too do it!” either. To be honest, I think he just takes my cues for where I feel comfortable.

We both have some fear, since we have really never been fully together. People will view our approach differently. Yes we are having sex outside of marriage. And I enjoy him, he enjoys me.

Now we are talking living together and sharing expenses and things.

Everyone will have their own views on this. I get so many bits of input and advice, but ultimately he and I have to choose what is right for us and our situation. And I think we both feel living together is the next step. I said to him last night “So what is it we would be trying to see by living together? How it works, if we really feel we can do this, and the next step is marriage”

He said “If I marry you, you better be good to me” LOL in a cute tone he said it, I said “You too” and he made some smartass remark about demanding I have dinner cooked, etc. I said “Yeah you dare ever say such a thing youd come home to the locks changed and your bags packed” He laughed.

We are going to D’s wedding and reception and all of that tomm. Not sure if he will come out tonight or tomm. Im looking forward to it. It will be a small wedding, she said about 20 guests, and reception at an Italian Restaraunt, then cake reception at a friends place. Wow, 3 step wedding deal!

You know, I see B and I doing it simple, getting married, and taking that trip to Hawaii for our honeymoon, thats where we want to take our next vacation.