Words that Hurt

Dear Diary,

Okay, so last night…..

I told B the day prior about the story in the news, about the couple in Washington, the man who set his girlfriend and 3 kids on fire and himself while driving, and she ran from the car and survived long enough to tell that he did it, make her funeral arrangements, etc etc. Horrible story of Domestic Violence.

So I read more details on it and was telling B last night, hearing a brief background B said “Ahhh he probably did her a favor”

I was all “What???” Hes all “Well they sure sounded like contributing members to society, she popped out 3 kids from age 15 to 18, he did her a favor”

I was so bothered by this, his statement upset me. I just froze and sat there. I told him I thought his statement was cruel. We just sat there for minutes in silence. I said to him “Does it ever register with you, where I came from and what I went through? That Ive been a part of Domestic Violence support groups and that I volunteer daily for a Domestic Violence website and hear these stories and offer support to people who have experienced these things?”

I dont know, I just got really upset last night.

I told B that I was not okay with his statement, that I dont find it funny at all, and I felt he owed me a genuine apology for it, that those types of statements hurt me, they hurt me at the core of who I am and what I believe.

He said to me “Vicky, yes I have a jaded sense of humor, my intent was not to hurt you, but if you expect me to see tra la la and sunshine in things the way you do, then we are going to have an issue here.”

And I told him Id take Tra la la and sunshine over his negativity.

I asked B “Do you ever think of helping people or a cause?” He said “Sometimes”

When inquired about what, he said “I dont know”

I guess it was my moms words ringing in the back of my head also, about B’s negativity.

Its weird sometimes, I sit there and wonder what is it that B and I have between us?

Like what is at the core of our relationship?

I tried having this convo last night….

And I hate to say it, but I dont really have an answer.

It used to B that B was my help and support when getting away and dealing with my Ex. He helped me, reassured me, told me to not care what others think. He was a big help.

But now what?

I have listened to many a calls about marriages going poorly on Dr Laura and people wanting advice, etc etc. And her talking to them about how things wont always feel good, tradegy can strike, etc etc, and what is at the core that keeps two people together.

I told B an example like “Say you were injured, paralyzed, you couldnt work or have sex” and we both kinda what ifed it from both ends. B said “Youd be high tailing it outta here if it happened to me” and yes, in some regards, I dont know how it would go for us, not that I would just walk cause of that one issue. I said to B “Youd probably be angry and horrible to be around’ He said “That is true, Id be very frustrated” I said “But do you think a person in a wheelchair can have a good life?” He said “Yes”

And we just got to talking about stuff like that…..

I also brought up core values, beliefs, Faith in God…….

People also call in on the radio show and the issues of religious beliefs come up and Dr Laura says right off the bat “This is why I tell people not to marry outside their faith, because eventually it becomes an issue, especially when having children is involved”

I dont know, dont know how others take what Im writing, its like a month or so ago when B and I were talking about our youth, teenage years and I was sharing about how things were for me and B said “Do you ever just sit and marvel at how stupid you were Vicky??? Damn, you were so stupid, Im just amazed by it”

And he goes on and on, and that bothers me. So I said to him “I dont say that to you” and he replies with “Vicky, I did plenty of stupid things”

Anyways,,,, I just know there are things that are said, that instantly stab at me, they do not feel right and I just sit there in silence with him on the phone…….