Ex Spouses

Dear Diary,

Well, not too much longer for the jewelry from my ex husband to go bye byeeeeeee

Im parting with it via the Internet Auction method.

Have no idea the real values of the stuff. I know about what he paid at the time, but not sure if the values are accurate then even cause he was such a putz with jewelry and getting suckered(Hes still this way with purchases) Why do you think the guy cant get a decent running vehicle to drive?

It was weird looking at my wedding ring and all….

I remember how we walked all through the mall and looked in all the jewelers and I found the one I wanted. I didnt want anything gawdy. Just a simple gold ring with a diamond, although I got a speciatly cut.

And the other item he gave me, it was the last piece of jewelry he gave me. And I remember it because for years he did NOTHING for our anniv, my bday, valentines Day, so when he did this I cried. He got my fave chinese food dinner, a bouquet of flowers and jewelry. He really outdid himself and I remember crying and hugging him.

I was reading my friend heres entry about her ex husband. About the love she had for him. The different kind of love then to her current partner.

Its really weird for me to reflect on the feelings for my ex husband.

I called it Love.

Looking at it now I call it “Insecurity, Neediness, Codependency”

Our relationship started out on such an unhealthy foot, so many things that piled on top of one another. And I wanted to believe this was GOD, God brought him to me and this was my life partner. I was very naive.

I care for him, but its more in a sympathetic way. The last day I saw him where he gave me a hug in the parking lot, which hasnt happened in a LONG TIME. I felt that twinge of feeling bad. Since now hes living in a garage. How what if I could rent him a room and all sorts of weird thoughts flood my head. Keep in mind they are fleeting thoughts.

I hate to sound all cocky or whatever, but its like DAMN, Im so above him.

Im more educated, Im more responsible, Im a better parent, I had a better home life, I could go on and on.

And just to see how he and I got together. I kept saying to B “How did I ever have discussions with my ex?” I look back and am baffled. I just talked AT him, not with him, he listened. But we were so not coming from the same level of understanding on things. And my ex in many regards just allowed me to take the reigns on things and handle them, as he didnt understand, or want to, nor did he know how. I handled the budgeting, the bills, paperwork, what have you.

You look at us now. I wonder what he thinks of me. When I was telling the Triple A guy about my ex and he asked if we are friends now and can be around eachother I said “Well yes, but I have to be careful, as not to give him the wrong idea when Im too nice or friendly” He responded “Ah, so he still wants you back”

I was all “Ummm, welll,,,, uhhhh”

And I guess deep down, I think if I asked him out, hed take me up on it. I think hed like to be back to be honest.

I was reading about my friend saying she knows her ex, so much about him, probably more then anyone, and I really feel the same about mine. I know his history and family and friend ties, I spent 12 yrs with him. And I was it.

I thought hed get married right away after we divorced, and I guess I didnt give the female population enough credit. That the women hes dated have obviously seen things wrong and dumped him.

Its so weird, that part of my life seems so far off and long ago, yet it was such a big portion of my life. Its so far away now.

I dont regret leaving it either.

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