Sick/Sister/Neurosis

Dear Diary,

Morning.

Well I got to bed by 11pm last night, which is early for me. I just told B I had to go to bed and said goodnight.

He called me last night around 8:30pm and we talked with a break all the way till 11!

I felt so wiped out last night, I hate being sick and I want to be well, and whatever this thing is, its just kicking my butt. But B said its no wonder with everything going on…

I had lack of sleep, got sick, got a massage and sauna(which after they tell you to drink lots of water that you can get sick, dehydrated, and that the massage releases lots of toxins in the body)

I ate all kinds of different foods,,,

I worked out 2 days last week after a break of not working out…

So B said its no wonder im knocked on my ass.

So I think my biggest issue is just getting more sleep.

And I so pray B doesnt end up sick with any of this crap, hes been with me so its not like he cant.

Ive been in a better mood in the eves though, I get home with the kids and sit down and make dinner with youngest in the kitchen with me.

And we have dinner pretty quickly which is good for all of us as we are hungry and grumpy when we get in. Granted its not gourmet meals, easy stuff. Last night we did this hearty canned potato bacon soup, and it was actually pretty good! I finally found the Mandarin Orange Chicken at Trader Joes at B’s place and bought 2 bags, but am waiting till our stomachs settle down some, keeping meals sorta bland right now.

Oldest has diarrhea still.

Youngest seems to be over everything and find. Oldest has diarrhea and nothing else. Me? Im just worn down physically.

So talked to my big sister just a bit ago. She took the Teen to the Dr yesterday, turns out she was having asthmatic symptoms, they had to give her breathing treatments, a shot of steroids, 2 medications.

My sister had a talk with her and found out her Dad and his girlfriend went and l eft the kids sunday to go fishing, instead of listening to the teen saying shes sick.

I guess the Aunt talked to her on the phone and told the teen to call 911 that she didnt think she sounded well.

My sister said “Victoria, Im done, Im not going to do that again. I spent 3 1/2 hrs with her, Her Dad takes off on me and wants a new life and now hes trying to dump this stuff off on me?”

Its sad we both agreed, and what he is doing is neglect. But the teen is old enough to call 911 if she is sick again.

Its sad.

Those girls are now going to just be fending for themselves it sounds.

Man can you even imagine being a kid and going through that? Your mom as you know it? Your home, your family, your nice little house, and they live in a nice house in a really nice area, and its just OVER. Your Dad up and moves out to a girlfriend with 6 kids of her own,, and just neglects you and loose the person you knew as a MOM?

Pisses me off how stupid and idiotic and selfish adults can be when kids are concerned.

I think of Dr, Laura, when she has callers at times and she asks “Do you have children?” And if people dont she says “Well as long as you arent making babies go do whatever you want, if theres kids in the picture, well thats another story…”

And I believe thats true. If you cant take care of your own damn kids and are so selfish for your own needs and wants, well, that man, he isnt by any means a parent AT ALL.

He ISNT.

Still waiting for more info on the news about the Murder Suicide.

All that I heard last night was that the Father shot the two girls and woke his wife up to tell her. She said “No,No, you didnt” And he said “Yes they are gone” then shot himself. She called 911. They lived in a nice neighborhood, it said they were churchgoers(wondering which local church)

Its eluded that she wanted a separation and he didnt want anyone else around or raising his kids,,, but Im sure more will develop.

B and I were talking about this last night. B said “Its always the “Perfect Couples” the ones with the white picket fence church goers that you have to worry about,most of us, people know we have problems, its the ones who act like they dont you have to worry about. You gotta worry about the CLEAVERS” haha, but yes there is much truth in that.

B and I were just talking, about neurosis, he talks about how people click because of similar neurosis, and I was discussing ours, you know how we look at other people, their problems, etc and dont get it, but then others look at us too and dont get us? How much of us relate to people we are with because of our own neurosis, issues, pasts, etc.

Thats not all such a bad things… its why there is usually someone for everyone.

B said he thinks a big part of problems isnt that we are “Messed Up” as a couple, he said “Its a definition Problem” how we see and define things is totally different so we both come to things with our own mindset, so a big part is us both just communicating and not assuming.

That is a tough one, if I really think hard and long about it.

Its like Im looking lately for him to screw up. To prove him wrong that he cant change, that I dont believe people change?

But there has been something different as of late, granted we still have issues, conflicts, but he doesnt shoot me down, he says he loves me, and thinks we can work through it, said hed go to counseling with me, brings a relationship book over to read… So as much as I might be upset and go all nuts in my head, when I talk to him as of late, he doesnt respond by just blowing me off.

Which is confusing also for me. Just because Im used to the otherside still….

Its hard to let go, not be paranoid.

Im trying, ive had 2 episodes that once something was clarified I let it go, and didnt stay angry or upset….

Well thats it for now…