Miss that Guy

Dear Diary,

Morning. Ugh, Im all light headed feeling. I also feel like crying.

I had to fast for 14 hours and then go in for blood work this AM. So now Im at work and after I got here I hurried to eat, they wanted me to run an errand, 2 hrs round trip on freeways, I said give me a minute to eat and all, then the light headed stuff came on. So I said I could not go right away, someone else went, and Im all feeling bad for saying I couldnt go? God when will I ever get over this self inflicted guilt crap?

So, Gym Guy went with me to the Lab today. It was weird cause he told me he wanted to know when I go and my STD HIV and all that results, since when we were seeing one another we were gonna let one another know and then my appt got moved and all.

So he showed me his results and said he still wanted to know mine as he got his right at the start of when we saw one another. I told him Id let him know still.

So yesterday at the gym I told him i was going this AM for the blood work. I went yesterday for the pap test and all. But they Dr wanted me to get my blood sugar and cholesterol tested, as I didnt do that when she asked me to long ago.

So she said “Just go do it all at once, but you will need to fast.

Soooo

I get a call this AM. Its Cute GYm guy, it was about 7:15am and he left a voice mail saying he was wishing me well for my appt, hope all goes well, and then he read me the definition of “Intrigue” from a dictionary. I had told him he Intrigues me one day, so it was kinda cute his message.

I called him back shortly after, and asked him if he wants to go with me, he said yes, So I dropped the kids off at school, left their bags for their visit to Dad at my Moms, drove to Cute Gyms Guys aunts house, and he followed me over.

Its so strange. I walked in his Aunts/Gmas house again. Ive been there a few times, older ladies, total sweet Grandmotherly types. His Grandma is more like a Mom to him then his real Mom. Shes in her 80s. Its very sweet.

The house is nice and they have a bird that is roaming about and has character. Cute Gym Guy was doing his laundry as where he lives doesnt have it, he washes his clothes at there house, then takes them to a laundromat by his place to dry. Guess they dont have a dryer? Or what I dont know?

I like his Gma, I like the feel there, its a nice memory, the weekend meals, sitting with them to eat at the table….. sighhhh

So we go to the Dr, we walk in and I see Gym guy looking past me smiling, and hes all “BUSTED!” in my ear. I have no clue what hes talking about, he says “Theres a guy from the gym over there” and I glance over and the guy is looking at us grinning.

Here we are at the lab together for blood work HAHA.

So the door opens to the lab, and theres a guy that Gym guy knows! A guy I met with him at the mall before CHristmas that we stopped and talked to awhile, he is all waving at us.

The wait was brief, we go in and I sit down, Cute Gym guy goes over and says hi to his friend in there, they are gabbing and then the nurse says “So is he taking you to breakfast after this? He better!”

I said “No Im going to work” and the other nurse chimes in “Oh no honey, you call in to work, you arent going in today, tell them your arm hurts, its bruised, you dont feel well”

Gym Guy missed all this banter, it was cute.

He walked over when they put the needle in and said “OUCH” in my ear. LOL and then he grabbed my shoulder and squeezed it lovingly.

We left, I walked arm in arm with him, we tend to do that when we are out, he just holds it up. sorta escorting me ish? Best way I can describe it. He got on me again for opening doors for myself as he wants to do it for me.

I said “Its been awhile since Ive been around you, I forget”

I thanked him for coming, he said he wanted to offer support. We talked about the disease he “Had” I didnt know it went away, but I got blood work done for it and all as I told the dr day prior he and I had unprotected sex and he had something in his past. So they are running some other stuff, just to be safe.

And B got it run also. Since I told him and we only have protected sex now until I get my results in.

We walked to my vehicle, I gave him a hug, told him he was sweet. He rubbed my shoulder, God Im sorry but this guy is frickin beautiful looking in my eyes, I just held onto him.

I got in my vehicle and said goodbye, he did ask me if I wanted to go to breakfast but I didnt want to get to work too late, I told him some other time.

Sighhhhhhhhhhh

B came out last night, it was kinda strange. We were both kinda strange, and neither of us were talking, we just layed there in bed. I was playful and all at first but he just shys away and doesnt pursue me. So I just give up and back off and see if he comes after me, he doesnt.

I want to be desired and sought after. I told him I need more kisses from him, and where, he said “I dont do that enough do I?” I said “Yep, I need more”

And finally I asked him why he was so quiet, he gave some smart aleck answer. I laid there and said nothing, he said he didnt no how to read me, I said the same about him, luckily we talked through it, it could have turned into some silly squabble.

I told him I want to feel desired and sought after, that I iniate the sexual activity most of the time and come onto him and I want to feel it from him also. He said “You call the shots, you had the hangups” I said “Listen, thats the past, we have talked about all this remember?”

He said “Vicky Im just not very good at being aggressive, its just how I am”

We just kept talking and pretty soon he just took his clothes off and told me to turn over and climbed on top of me. Bout damn time! I have to admit, part of me wanted it, and part of me, well the mood was strange between us laying there prior.

So I wanted it but wasnt totally INTO it or turned on fully yet.

Its okay, that eventually came about 🙂

We made love and we both literally rolled over and passed out until this AM.

I cant help it though, my mind is distracted. It fucking sucks!

I think of Cute Gym Guy, but then i know when I was with cute Gym Guy I thought about B and longed for the way B and I talk and how clueless gym guy was talking emotions.

I Miss Gym guy,,,, I told my girlfriend that Im going out with sat this, shes all “But Vicky after that whole New Years incident and the sexual dysfunction and all?????”

Yeah, after all that.