VENT VENT VENT

Dear Diary,

I want to write in here, but I dont have the patience right now or focus to sit here and pour out all of it.

Im angry and pissed today.

Im angry at what I have allowed to happen.

Im angry for accepting things Im not happy with, Im angry that Ive been taken advantage of, Im angry at myself for not wanting to make waves for fear of loss, in turn just reinforcing negative treatment of me.

I at times look at B and want to get so pissed off and tell him what a jerk he is.

Its a venting moment, and yes Im unhappy about some things. We arent fighting, we just had a discussion last night and well its mulling over and over in my head.

A relationship should not be played via games. Im sorry, not to say I have never done it, but do I like it? Do I think its right? NO

Im a special person. I have a lot to give. I deserve to be treated special. I deserve to have my time with a person valued.

Im so angry, Im stewing inside. I cant focus today.

Im more so waiting for a response on his end.

Im reaching my limit with some things. I cant do them anymore. Im getting angry, resentful. Im tired of asking my fucking boyfriend to spend time with me!

HOW RIDICULOUS IS THAT??? I mean cmon. Im a WANT TO NOT A HAVE TO!

If you dont want to, then what the hell am I doing. Why the fuck am I putting in the energy and effort to keep this rolling.

I deserve that same amount of energy in return.

Yeah I am not thrilled about being alone. Not at all, but Im so fucking alone as it is. And I am not a mind reader, Im not all about faking that I dont want to see someone who I really want to see hoping it will create desire in them???

Is that really how we have to play this game in life? Fucking games?