Gym, Sadness, Kids
Dear Diary,
Well got the kids back. Its difficult hearing things. My little one runs up and shows me he got new shoes, A bought them, Ex’s chicky.
People kept saying to me “If your ex has no money hows he doing things? Shes probably helping him” And perhaps that is true. Its just feels strange you know? Hearing your kid say this woman bought him shoes and not their Dad.
They also said there Dad is living at Her house now. I said “Did Daddy move in?” Because if so I need ANOTHER change of address and to know where they are. They said hes moved some of his stuff, that A has a new house now. And the kids slept in her kids beds while they are visiting their Dad. Its just so weird. My ex was so damn judgemental of people. I dont hear that they go to the church anymore though, they were against living together before marriage.
Celandra wrote me a comment about packing up B’s things. Believe me ive thought of it. I dont want to send them back. Other then a pair of his boxers and a tank top. But my bear and personal momentos I will keep. I dont know what the future will hold. I cant see us just never talking again. I really have no idea whats going on, but I have to move forward.
I read so much today on the narcissism website. That people like that like to emotionally starve the partner, they like the results, the needing of them from the party, it boosts their ego.
Its sickening 🙁
So I went to the gym. I did a light workout because I dont think its good on my body to do to much with the little amounts of sleep and stress. My gym buddy came and talked to me, he always makes me smile. He just tells me work stories and things, hes a nice guy. I did mention I was seeing someone and I wasnt being treated properly and he said “Oh no way, hes outta there, you dont deserve that” and we were discussing the male market in our city. He said another woman from work who works out there with him just said the same thing yesterday. And the domestic violence here is bad. He agreed.
He is sweet, hes the first guy I think who flirts but it feels safe and friend like and Im not on guard. He always says compliments about how good Im looking, ive lost weight, my arms and how Im developing muscle. But he does it in a way that is very nice and encouraging and I just accept it. 🙂 Yet I dont feel all weird and ewww and want to run away from him. I guess I dont feel he expects something.
I met another guy at the gym last week, he came up and asked me if I went to the college. He said he saw someone who looked like me. I will be going, but dont at the present. So he introduced himself. So today he walked up and said Hello again.
It does feel nice, just being social and talking to people, I go to the gym pretty much same time so there are a lot of regulars there. Mainly guys, but a few women also.
Well I am feeling that sinking feeling again, its not as strong as the past 2 days. But its there, the sadness, the tears. Im going to start a bath soon. Hopefully I will get more sleep tonight, we shall see.