Abuse from Dad Tonite

Dear Diary,

I have not been through this with my father since I was a teenager living at home.

Tonight my father did one of his irrational accusation/blame episodes on ME!

My Mom went to take my kids for the drop off with Ex. I drove to my parents to wait for her and hang out with her a bit after she got back. I was in a good mood and bought an In N Out burger. I went in the kitchen and said Hi to my Dad. He tells me “I need to talk to you and your Mom” Im like Oh? And hes serious like something is wrong.

Convo

Me: Dad Mom isnt here she is taking the kids

Dad: Well I want to talk to her before she leaves

Me: Dad, Mom is not HERE, she is gone right now taking the kids.

Dad: Well I need to talk to you both

then he says

Dad: “You are not the only woman with problems”

Now Im confused wondering what on earth hes gonna say.

Dad: “We have a suicidal woman in our apartments right now and I left you a message and you were supposed to tell your Mom, she wasnt supposed to go over, but instead your Mom went over there and this woman cried on your Mom”

I sat there confused thinking What call???

Then it dawned on me. My Dad is an alcoholic and mentally not all there. He sees things in his head one way and theres no way to get through.

Well last week or so, I cant remember what day, but I came home and found a message on my machine that said “IF your mom is there tell her not to go by the apartment, so and so is giving him some trouble”

Well i didnt get this message till way later, and my Mom wasnt at my house? By the time I even got the message my Mom would be back home with my Dad. My Dad does stuff like this, calling my house when Im not home leaving messages for my Mom?? Its weird. So I just ignore them, I had to say it, but we have to do that a lot with my Dad because he makes no sense. And he can tell my Mom these things himself. She lives with HIM.

So I said “Dad. I wasnt home that day when yuo called and Mom wasnt at my house” he said “Thats not the point! You were supposed to give her the message!”

Me “Dad, I wasnt home! And Mom wasnt there, what did you expect me to know there was a message and then go and FIND mom and tell her???”

“It was important! You were to give her that message and you didnt!” He said

I felt like I was back in time, being a teenager with my Dad yelling at my best friend with bogus claims that didnt make sense and making her leave the house crying with me at the door crying as he said things to her like “Maybe I cant get to you but I can get to your Father!”

This is why I moved out at 18! I cannot handle this crap.

I was in an abusive situation before my Ex.

So I said to my Dad tonight “Dad, what does this have to do with me? I am not your messenger. Why are you blaming this on me?”

Dad: “It was an important message!”

Now mind you my Dad has done something, my mom has no idea what but my Mom knows my father and what he can cause, this woman is calling their home crying saying “Why are you being so mean to me? What did I do wrong?” She is in crutches with a broken foot. And is being evicted. My Mom said she always paid rent on time, and now my Dad has a lawyer involved. So my Mom is staying clear of this since she has no idea really what has transpired. Mom always cleans up Dads messes but she wants no part this time.

Ive written lately in my diary about my Dad acting strange. Well more strange lately.

I then cried and went in the kitchen tonight and said to my Father “DAD, Do you LISTEN TO ME? DO YOU HEAR WHAT I AM SAYING?”

He doesnt, he just kept repeating I was to give my mother the message.

I said “Dad, do you ever admit you screw up or are wrong? DO YOU LISTEN TO PEOPLE? YOU DONT DAD. YOU HEAR ONLY WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR, YOU ONLY SEE WHATS IN YOUR OWN MIND”

I had enough and walked out. I needed to stand up for myself, not that it got through to my Dad, but I needed to speak up for ME. The girl who lived in this crap for all those years. My Dad then came in the front room and repeated it AGAIN To me that I was to give my Mom the message. I said “STOP!” he kept talking and I just kept saying STOP STOP STOPPIT.

I could feel myself wanting to call my father a Jerk but didnt, but inside I did.

My mom came home I went in the driveway crying and told her what happened. Mom remains so calm she was not happy but doesnt show much emotion, she just said lets go to my house so we left. We talked a bit. All she told me was they may be able to sell their last set of apartments, she wants to be done with my father in any business form. And then she said “Maybe the house we live in will be next” She said “Its been really hard lately to maintain my sunny disposition with the way your father is behaving, he drug me down years ago and I will not allow him to do that to me again” They also have a lawyer who handles all their business stuff, hes been with them for years and is very close to my parents. So he knows about my Dads odd thinking. My Mom told the lawyer about my Dads reaction to the cell phone. She said he got angry and said “What like cant afford $29 a month? You guys are rolling in money” and he told my Mom if my Dad says a word of it to him he will give him a piece of his mind.

I was driving home tonight crying like a baby. I was saying “I hate you!” to my Dad in my mind.

My siblings are all dealing with issues from their childhoods, but they have seemingly more anger towards Mom.

I on the other hand am the reverse. I have great issues with my father.

They are all older, the closest to me is 9 yrs older, So we have a wide difference. I grew up alone since they had all gone to college. Also my father did not do the discipline with me. He beat 2 of my siblings, my middle sister was the observing, but they all have anger at my Mother for staying in that abuse and not doing anything about yet my mother projected blame onto the kids, her own guilt perhaps so they felt things were their fault.

I dont feel that way. I didnt grow up around my fathers violence. And Im very close to my Mom. I know she has faults also, but I love my Mom. My Mom has done so much for me. My Mom has been there. and well I hate to see her go through this.