Backdooring?

Dear Diary,

Well I called B again after I wrote my last entry. And I told him how I felt.

We went through some rough spots in the convo. He said I have so little faith in our relationship when we go through weeks such as the last one, that if I didnt see him that something is wrong and the relationship sucks. When he felt it was improving. He said he always feels like things are good but then is so drastically wrong according to me.

We talked and talked, and I cried, and we talked, and we sat quiet. It came around to me saying I didnt feel he is wrong or I am wrong. Its just once again I had to tell him what kind of relationship I want. It felt like after over an hour of us talking I was over it? And ready to just talk about everyday life and we switched gears. I felt like I was over my emotional hump.

B called this AM early around 8:30 got a call that they wanted him to work tonight and he needs the money which I understand, but he had said he was coming to spend the rest of this weekend with me. And he is working at 3 today and probably wont get back home till 1 am. I was ok with it. I didnt feel so emotionally needy. And he said “No I said I was coming up to see you today, so I can come until 2. And he did. 🙂

He arrived a little after 10am, and I fed him French Toast, he came and changed out my CD rom on my computer(it wasnt working) he hooked up my Syquest drive that hasnt worked in over 3 yrs! And was full of old photos(including a pic of B from the first night I met him years ago!)

He also cleaned up some Harddrive space, we glued the start button back into place (it came loose on my tower)He did a lot of things. 🙂

He and I then layed in my bed together watching the “Real World Movie” My little one didnt know what to do with himself. He kept looking in on us. We were just laying on the bed with the door open watching tv and he kept walking by and coming in and asking questions. So B said “Oh yeah he wants to keep an eye on us and hes so curious as to what we are doing he cant even go play and conconcentrate on anything” which was true. B left at 2 and now my little one resumed playing with his brother and isnt popping in every 5 min.

I mowed the front lawn this AM before he arrived. I then went out back and my dog caught a little Sparrow and I rescued it from him 🙁 I have it in a box in my office right now. Not sure if the bird will make it but its been here for several hours now. I thought a leg was broken, it was alive and breathing, eyes open, but it would just lay there on its side. Well a few hours later its on its feet in the box. But before that it was laying there for awhile twitching and B said its dying. So I have no idea. Because it spends some time up on its feet, then back to resting.

I came online today and found an email. I just met this “Producer for TV dude” aa few days ago. And he was talking to me last night when I was upset. So I told him I was gonna call B and the Producer man wrote me an email. I was like, woa…

It says….

“Victoria,

First of all..thanks for telling me your name. I know you said you would be right back, but I wanted to write this when it was still fresh in my mind.

To be in your situation, home on a Friday night while the guy you are dating is out at a party, shows a little bit of disrespect on his part. I assume he has never been married, so therefore he has no idea what a horrendous thing you went through, and still are going through. If he has been through a divorce..wow I am shocked he doesn’t have more compassion for you.

I understand we all fall for who he fall for, and sometimes we amaze ourselves.

M

PS… Put me on the list of men, that would love to meet you. Not all men are jerks. I know how to treat a women with respect, dignity and class. In fact ever you ever need someone just to hang with or just talk to …. Just call. #######”

Its very flattering. Hes an attractive man, sent me a pic of he and his 2 boys.

I just feel silly at times that I come across vulnerable to men. I dont like doing that. And I find that men sweep in at times when women are on the down side even if they have a partner. As B calls it “Backdooring” That they wait in the sidelines and say “Oh baby Im your friend and im here for you” and there waiting when your man does something wrong to jump into the picture.

I just have to watch myself with this guy and be up front. But I have to admit it is flattering.