I dont know : (

Dear Diary,

Was just watching more news on the little girl who was kidnapped and sexually assaulted and killed. Its so horrible. They broke the story, then the next day her body was found. Its just so sickening. I hate that part of the thought, about that poor childs last minutes. The fear and terror. What is going on in peoples heads? To do such a terrible thing?

So now the tv shows are full of profilers and profiler info.

They just broke in on the news a little bit ago of a boy who had been missing for 7 hrs but they found him and it just showed a man in the dark just hugging this little boy, because you know the terror this family felt. Since they are saying from the profilers this is a serial rapist,and could be a serial murderer and they said he will do it again very soon according to the research.

I went to the gym today, felt good. I am feeling good and starting to feel more confident about my body. Which is a nice feeling.

I am still unsure what to do. I dont know which direction to take. I go back and forth hourly in the day. Do I just walk from B? Then I pull into the gym and see a Jeep Wrangler and start to dream of him and I tearing up the town and driving places in it together. How its what brought us together, and how we both love the dang vehicle.

I think of how incredibly sexy he is. :::Sigh:::

Then I think of Mr C and how great he is with kids, how established, mature, grown up, able to live well, how hes not into the drama, how sweet he is, about how Id be happy to introduce him to any of my family and friends and I honestly think they would love him.

:::Sigh:::

I think Mr C scares me sexually. I dont feel confidant with him. His sexual style. Hes a bit more aggressive, and I guess I just feel hes too fast for me with things. And he mentioned something about how he likes sex a bit rough. That he needs something a bit more to rev him up. So I just wonder if that area between us is compatible. And I wonder why his last girlfriend stopped that area with him. That was his complaint about her.

Mr C invited me and the kids out sunday to go swimming at his place.

B said he wants to come out and finish watching Almost Famous with me since I got it for another week and the first DVD was skipping.

I dont know what to do 🙁