Day Out

Dear Diary,

Its getting harder for me not having boyfriend around more. I notice when he leaves the desire to see him is stronger now. Just missing him, not seeing him after a day to come home too. I miss him more.

He went out to brunch with the kids and I today. The kids were awful and I was embarrassed to say the least. They were so excited and acting silly. I had to take my youngest aside to the bathroom and scold him for his behavior. Its not the boyfriend issue, for them hes a friend of mine, its just them in general, they seem to think that most people, adults included, who come over, are there for THEM. And Im not a parent who yells in public or spanks, and I dont spank now due to the court papers stating no corporal punishment during this time and all. So yes it gets frustrating. We then drove over to the park after eating and let the kids play and we sat and talked. Of course boyfriend talked about the kids, hes got a more umm intellectual way of thinking. So he of course said he understands the kids are acting up and excited and want attention, but that they are getting the opposite results acting the way they are, making people NOT want to be around them and he said I need to tell them this.

He had asked me how ex disciplined the children. I said he would do it, but generally it was yelling at them but not really getting up and doing anything until they did something about 5 times then he would blow up at them and both would end up in there rooms crying. But my youngests behavior, it represents much the way his father is. So I had made a comment that this is how their Dad is, no respect for peoples boundaries. In public, he was the prankster, but often innappropriate. And my youngest already has adopted this. My oldest child doesnt like it, but my youngest has that risk taker devilishness about him.

Boyfriend and I then spoke about our time together. We ran into a minor conflict last night on the phone. We were supposed to go to the beach today. I asked him on Thursday and we were to go, and he said he forgot he had to work, then said something about his friend wanted him to go out. So I once again held back my anger. And handled this differently with him. Today we had a bigger talk about all this.

I was able to communicate how things felt and how I received them, and he also shared where he was coming from. It basically came down to he is forgetful and poor at planning. He has a friend whos moving to Europe, who he is close to and I know this, and today I guess he wanted to have lunch with his friends before he left. Boyfriend forgot about it, and planned something with me, then felt torn, and feels Im his girlfriend and he owes me a strong sense of obligation, and on and on. So it came down to where I said to him “Well hun, you need to learn to better plan, if you need to get a big calendar, slap it on your wall and write things down.” I told him Im all for him doing things with his friends, because he wasnt hearing it that way. I just told him its the way he delivers his messages to me. And he agreed he doesnt do it well. So we did talk through it. I started to feel a little hurt, but reflective over some things he said. I guess I was just thinking inside. Hes being honest with me over things, and at times i just want to react right then and there. But thats not always necessary. I need to think a bit and look at what Im feeling. So boyfriend kept being very apologetic about the mishap and what he had said. I told him it was ok, I was fine, Im all for him seeing his friends, just be more up front and schedule your plans wiser. He said to me “Well your body language speaks differently. Your arms and legs are crossed, you are closed off somewhat. I was like hmmm. I said to him I wasnt mad at him. I was just feeling reflecting over things that were said. Every dissagreement doesnt have to be a time to run away and be upset at your partner.

He came back to the house and watched Trading Spaces with me. Hed never seen it and got a kick out of it, but then had to leave for work. OH! And we watched “From Hell” last night with Johnny Depp. I had wanted to see it when it came out, so it was my turn to pick a movie. It was ok, a little gruesome, but theres no way I could ever sit at home by myself and watch a movie like that, I had him to hold and protect me from evil monsters. :)~

I spent the rest of my day shopping, the mall, and Barnes and Noble with the kids. Im sad the holiday weekend is about to end. I wish I could have done more and gone more places. But we still did get out.