Anger Letter

Dear Diary,

This is one of my venting entries. During group yesterday the moderator encouraged us to journal, not Dear Diary she said, but just pouring out thoughts, anger, emotions, instead of “Swallowing” then were her words. How when we swallow or stuff things it comes out in other ways. I think I generally write a lot out. Now and then I have outburst entries.

So this is a moment where I want to express some anger. Please dont read if you are offended by language.

Dear Ex,

I hate how you treat me! I hate that I cannot discuss the children with you as joint parents. I am fucking trying to work this whole joint custody thing out and you give me no assistance. You talk thru the children, bypass me, discuss things with them, then TELL Me what you want me to do, you dont ASK. I fucking raise your children! I have them 95% of the time and you have the nerve to treat me the way that you do! Whatever happened between us is no longer, its time to focus on THEM now! Working together. WHy cant you grow up and pull your fucking head out of your ass and be responsible, and caring? Oh wait! If you were,,, I wouldnt be divorcing you!

You are so irresponsible! You see no need to grow up, to change your ways, to admit your wrongdoings. You call and fucking ask your kids about their grades, want report card information. yet you dont even sit down nor are you around to even do homework, study for a test with them, ANYTHING> During your few visits last year, I HAD to arrange for you to go to the schools, I had to make you drive them in the morning, and you often took them late. You press them and their school behavior, when you fucking dropped out of highschool, never went back and I urged and encouraged and tried to support you in this. Your children are going to reach a point where they are going to have more knowledge then you in reading and math, and you dont see the importance for your ownself for an education.

How the fuck do you live across the US and sleep each night being so far away from your children? How do you live with yourself??? You got up and moved far away. You ran away, yet you try to act like your a caring parent?

YOur an asshole, I cant believe I married you at times, that I was in such denial of how you truly were, believing the best in you, supporting you, ironing out all your shitty situations you created. And then when I reached the point where Id had enough and wanted to leave you, you began to control and threaten me and make me stay.

I do not want our children to learn about what it is to be a man from you. All they have seen so far is someone who is irresponsible, not around, and who has a temper he cant control. And they still love you and think the world of you, you have no idea what damage you are inflicting on them! How they still think the world of you despite all of this, how Im over here doing my damn best to correct all the wrong and the anger instilled in them, to bring them up as young men who will treat women with respect and be better members of society. I dont have your help in this! You dont give a fuck, your just more concerned about what their mommy does and if some other man will make her happy and damage your ego.

I tried to love you, I tried to help you. Your just in your own world in your head, and at times Im angered, others I pity you. I just want you stop messing with our lives. Leave the drama out. Go deal with your own shit for once in your life and get some help!