House and Mom

Dear Diary,

I had my counseling appointment this AM. It was good. We actually talked about the house. I didnt plan to say much she had just asked about where I lived and some info and she had asked me if I planned to stay where I was at. Of course I went on with what I wrote about in a previous entry about the house.

She then said to me “It will probably be healthier for you and your children to not stay there for long. Hmmm I found that interesting. So funny thinking about what these 4 walls can do to a person. I know I cant go now, but in time I will. I had shared with her about the remodel work hes done and how his touch is in every room of the house. So Ive been wanting to repaint the trim, doors, border, moulding, all that in the living room, I never liked the color to begin with but we used it since we had a whole bucket of it. So maybe I just need to start adding more of my own touches? I started to dream again about moving, give me a few years and I believe I will. Its ok for now. 🙂

She also asked me if my Ex was seeing anyone. I said I didnt know. She said “Well wouldnt it be nice?” I have had so many people tell me that when he finds someone else it will take a lot off of me. I just view it differently. Im always thinking about the next poor woman whose life he tampers with, so how can I be happy? Hes a sick man.

We also discussed my Mom. The weird part is my Mom knows my counselor, they had worked together before and done training and all this in the past. But I keep my mouth shut since we talk about my Mom and so I can keep it all in the session, its just weird, cause if she knew who my mother was. Today we talked about my mother and how she can be controlling, We discussed her walking into my house and having a key. She suggested I change the locks, and then tell Mom that if she needs to drop stuff by for me to just place them in the garage.

I find it funny that I have such a hard time with setting up a boundary with my mother over my own house. Its just always been this way. I have a key to my parents house, my Mom has one to mine. She comes by and leaves groceries for the kids lunches now and then. But yes it does make me paranoid because I never know when she will just come in, and the boyfriend deal I keep separate from her. I just imagine her stopping by someday and I dont even feel comfortable letting him hang out there if Im not cause mom might show up or something.

She asked if my mother was supportive in all the divorce. I said “Ohh yes, very, she loaned me the money to get a good attorney” See Mom wants me out of this, Mom wants me independent. But Mom thinks YOU DONT NEED A MAN IN YOUR LIFE, stay ALONE. So we discussed Moms viewpoint since mom stayed in a bad marriage and has never experienced what its like to be treated differently by a man. She is projecting her views onto me. She calls me and tells me stuff like “I just watched a documentary on blended step families and the mortality rates of the children” and telling me gutt wrenching stories about the kids. Shes constantly putting forth her view that I dont need a man in my life. So we talked about my own boundaries with Mom. Why my sister hasnt told her she married, she just doesnt want to deal with what Mom or Dad will say. I do love my Mom, dont get me wrong, I admire and find her a strong woman in so many areas. Im the baby and closer than anyone else and live closeby and always have. Shes had the most involvement with me and my children than any of the others since they all live about hour and a half away. I guess in many ways Im not officially growing up. And its time to establish some new guidelines/boundaries with mom. Im scared to do it, its not that she will reject me. I know she wont. Its just uncomfortable changing all that you have known and become comfortable with.