Sex/Church Stuff

Dear Diary,

Morning. Im feeling better today, more relaxed. Evening went okay.

B came out a little after 10 pm. We watched a Dateline or what have you called “Real Life War of The Roses” about a couple going through a divorce, living under the same roof, court, etc, watching it first hand. YUCK!

Then we saw the top news story. A woman on the freeway nearby was pulled over yesterday afternoon doing 90mph. The cops said when she got out she said “Arrest me! My Baby is dead” or something like that. She also had her older daughter in the front seat, and there was a dead 10 month old in the back seat. And they have said the Mother is the one who killed her. Eeeek.

I had called my gal pal D last night to see about us all getting together at the park friday eve. When I called she said “We are meeting with my pastor, can I call you back?” I said sure.

So she called back later, I wasnt sure who “WE” were.

Well it was her and her boyfriend. She starts to tell me about this pastor, and she names him and says something about this church and I finish her sentence for her. I knew who he was.

This was a pastor of a church that I attended as a child. This is where my brother was going when he became a Christian and then wanted to be a Youth Pastor and work in ministry and then met his wife(now ex) They were married in that church by this very pastor. Then my brother went off to Christian college and he married and moved away.

The church was a large church back in its time, I loved the sanctuary.

Anyways, I guess the pastor and his wife ended up getting a divorce, Im not sure as to tall of the details or what transpired, but it resulted in a church split and he left the church, and a new pastor has since taken over and the church sold and put up a huge new one complete with a school.

Soo, the pastor remarried, and started up a little church. My Gal pal in Colorado, well her Mom played the organ and went with the pastor when he split off and had the little church, so I went a few times with my gal pal there also.

And now that is where D has been going.

So they asked the pastor about she and her boyfriend getting married, and she even asked about getting married in secret.

::::::::::::::SIGH::::::::::::::

You know. I know im messed up in my own ways, but somedays I just dont get things people are doing. Which Im sure they say the same about me, but hey its easier to think about someone elses problems then your own right?

I love D. And I dont think she is a bad Mom at all and I think what her ex has done is WRONG And disgusting.

Ive known D for 10 yrs now. And I think she is an awesome mom who lives for her children, and Id be willing to testify as a witness in court for her.

Ive spent time with she and her husband, back in the day, my ex worked for her husband for a year, I babysat while she tutored at home, we went to church Moms groups, Hell I came over the night her husband pushed her and she had all these bruises and I waited with her kids while she went to the dr cause her bf said to get it documented.

Now Im not saying D is all innocent in everything.

What Im saying is… YES she had an affair.

But does this make her not worthy of seeing or raising her children? NO

And her husband is angry and trying to punish her, I truly believe that.

Now D’s problem? Shes so flighty, reminds me of the bible verse, whats it say, about a person that is unstable, tossed two and fro by every wind of doctrine?

Thats what comes to mind often with her when I think of things. She has a hard time staying put with a course of action, she will change gears. Shes a very free spirited, artistic, creative person.

I mean my God the woman home schooled 3 kids and was a stay home Mom for 9 freakin years and since the split shes taught Special Ed and is now set to teach 2nd grade at a public school. DUH? Yeah shes that unstable????

She also tutors children from her home.

So when it comes to kids, NO I dont think they should be witheld from her.

So she said the pastor told her “Have you thought about relinquishing your right to the children to your husband so they arent pulled back and forth like this?”

You know, Im thinking about this right now, and that statement THOROUGLY pisses ME OFF?

But perhaps I feel different. There was no way in HELL Id back down, through my whole 3 yr divorce process and hell with my ex. I was willing to go through whatever it took. There was something in me that would not allow me to back down and give up. Granted it was not easy and I struggled, but I would NOT quit.

I keep telling D she has to get a good attny and just back off, trust the attny, and be patient, things dont happen overnight, its a process.

She just wants her kids NOW. And I understand, but shes talking of just going in and representing herself. Her ex is sneaky and has money, and I tell her she will get eaten up in there. She needs a good attny.

And its all I can keep saying, Ive told her from the get go, and shes been through 3 attnys already. Well the last one had to let her go cause of a conflict of interest.

So anyways, and then to talk of wanting to marry her BF. I tell her “D, I would not do it” By the way she is legally divorced now, just nothing else is settled, children, finances, house, etc.

I tell her “You do not need to give your ex anything else to try and use against you, because you know t hat is what will happen, and the kids will have to suffer through it also. Id wait till things are settled” And remind her that is what I did. I did it for me, for them, for the legal process to go smoother cause an angry man who wants revenge or to get back at his ex wife, will be all the more enraged when a new man has her.

And her kids are totally suffering, she said her 10 yr old is screaming “I hate him!” and all that about the bf. And she doesnt have him around them much at all, her ex husband and ex Mom in Law tell the kids that their Mother is a very bad woman. And the husband tried to get a restraining order against the bf,(with retarded claims that never went to court)

She has that whole sex/guilt thing and feels they should marry.

I dont think thats a reason to marry, I think her primary focus should be getting her kids back doing whatever it takes, but that is me. Her life can wait. Dang, Im feeling all inspired right now. I think I need to write her a note today and give it to her.

D is a very social person but she tells me she has not had many close friends in her life, and questions often why people dont like her.

I told her “D, you are very assertive and not afraid to express how you feel, you are confidant in your opinions on things and that rubs people the wrong way”

Its so weird.

I liked her the first day I met her. But my gal pal in San Diego and other ladies in the church group didnt care for her, still dont. They thought she felt she was a “Know it all” or “Superior” feeling.

I think D just doesnt go with the flow, she is an individual, and thats what bugged others cause she doesnt do things the same way as others.

Ive admired that about her. Shes also a beautiful woman in my eyes, she has an italian mix, dark hair, big dark eyes, talks with her hands, I dunoo, Ive just always liked her. And she always had fun things for the kids to do. Whenever Ive been at her place or around her, she makes you feel like wanting to be an even better mother when you see how much she loves those kids, how she laughs with them, plays with them, talks to them, hugs and kisses them.

I think her husband is a closet homosexual, whos a control freak. His mother did his laundry during their entire marriage???????? I mean cmon!

And I was thinking of Adored, I think her husband in some ways pushed she and the gardener together. He even told the guy “take care of my wife” and the guy even went to him(as he worked for her husband) And said “Your wife is a very lonely woman” to warn him of how neglected she was.

And he was more then happy to pawn her off to him to talk to.

Prior to the split her husband was a workaholic, who was up at night in his office still working as she did everything in the house and with the kids, she said she never had an orgasm during the marriage, that he preferred to have sex with her from behind, just do his business and he was done.

She had a nice lifestyle financially and a gorgeous house, but the love of a husband? No

SO anyways, B and I, the kids and all, are meeting at her house tonight to hang out, and take all our kids to the park.

Right now she gets her kids one day a week, and every other weekend, only till Sunday morning because her ex wont allow the kids to go to her church.

Bullshit…

Anyways,,,

B was all spunky with me last night, its weird, youknow? How drives are different and go up and down. I dont have much of one these days, not that I dont like sex. Im just not craving it and assertive about it. It pretty much feels like it changed after the breakup then when we got back together. Ive mellowed, hes now becoming the aggressor, which I dont mind, its just sometimes Im not in the mood but relax and let myself go with a moment and he usually can turn that around pretty quickly. 🙂

Which he did last night, hes so cute, I made mention of us doing something different last night and he was so freakin excited and eager I could tell, but I wont go into the details, just that he had something to do first and he was having trouble, LOL, it was cute, and I said “Well dont worry about it, just get back over here, if you wait too long the moment will pass” and hes all “noooooooooooo!” LOLOLOL!

As forward as this guy is, hes is pretty quiet in the bedroom, I have had more sexual experimentation and play then he has and have opened up some of those things to his world, and hes mentioned something, like the day at the beach that I knew he wanted to do, so I went for it last night. So I knew he was thrilled.

And this is a lot of why I love him like I do.

He is respectful, gentle, emotionally there sexually, but considerate.

Granted hes not really the type to knock me down and go nuts on me, but in his way he does, but then when I have been with the other extreme, I reflect on how there is less regard for gentleness, more concern about an act, and not about the emotional connecting, which is why I adore B, I feel emotionally connected during sex, I trust him, I can look in his eyes, I know he wont do things I dont like or push that, and I know I can say something if I dont like something and we both respect eachother to back off and listen, it works both ways.