Damn Porno & Pot

OKAY SO!

Im snooping. Yes me?

I took the day off of work. I noticed B was on the computer this AM.

Even was running late to work and called the carpool lady, but he was up in time but hes just on the computer.

WELL DAMMIT.

I dont fucking get this man at all. And Im so tired of this stuff, trying to figure it out, he wont tell me shit.

THen I am the bad one for snooping.

I snoop to make sense, I guess for some type of confirmation in my mind.

So this AM, I find hes been on a porno site?

And last night?????????? WHEN I WAS IN THE BEDROOM LAYING IN BED ALONE AND the KIDS WERE IN THE FRONT ROOM!

I thought he was on his message forum? But he must have just had that screen up to hide it.

Yes we had sex last night, I came onto him later after talking to a friend here.

So I get porn for us to watch a few days ago, hes quiet at the damn store, says not a word, I pick the movie, he was sorta irritable, I wrote about that.

Why cant he share this stuff with me? Its like I dont mind viewing it together, Im just sick of all this LONER crap.

And today he took the other car to work, and I had a feeling where he put his backpack was in the back of the Jeep. I went and looked just now.

I have in the midest of my living room about 3 pipes and now he has a BONG??? I never saw that before. AND In a jar is still a fucking bag of weed???????

I just want to flush the weed down the toilet, I mean whats he gonna say next time he goes to get more? Come home and be mad I took his stash when he knows how I feel about it? But dammit i just wanna break all the damn pipes into pieces.

The other part of me just feels I need to say enough, I cant do this. I love him to pieces dammit, but I dont know how to do this, I dont want to let him go, but Im going nuts with paranoia and all this shit always wondering whats up with him. And reading that entry,,,, the anger he wrote towards me…

I just dont know how to handle all this. 🙁