I got excited then bummed

Dear Diary,

Ok so I get a impulsive thought, I look at the Cinerama theatre in Hollywood to see what films are playing. Ive never been there. I think it would be fun. I just see White Oleander is gonna be a film out SOON! OMOGOSH! I read that book, so I totally have to see the movie! I recommend it to all the girly readers ok! Go see it!

Anyways, I browse thru the movie listings, I think hmmm. So I basically decided to purchase to tickets for a last showing tonight. Film is titled “Igby Goes Down” I then call B, and say “Can you go out tonight?” even though Im coming over I make sure he wants to leave, cause otherwise I wont take him” He says “yeah?” I said “Lets go see a movie!” He said “Which one?” I tell him the name he hasnt heard of it and well neither did I. But it sounded like something hed be cool with seeing. So I bought the tickets already(Ouch $14 each!) but I think what the hell, have some fun, splurge! Ill take him out tonight, he just will be the date. Ill play the agressor here since its always so hard to get something in motion for us. I said “Ive already picked the movie ok?” and so he starts to say “Well ummm they only show big films in the Dome and parking is super expensive” I said “Listen I already saw that, Im taking care of it, and parking is reimbursed if you have movie tickets” He just says “Well you know Im gonna be home” kinda snottily talking to me like I should no better. I said “I know but Im just checking to see if its cool with you, just be my date ok?”

🙁 Dont have expectations my book said. I did. I expected him to at least show some enthusiasm perhaps? He likes movies, and hes cheap, Im paying, so????

Maybe I just read into things. But its like how about “Hey babe, thanks, that sounds great, id love to go!”

So I then looked at the site and noticed that the film isnt playing the DOME itself which I misunderstood, so I was little eh feeling, Mostly cause I can just hear B saying “I tried to tell you that, they only show big films in there” and I just felt like crying. Here I am trying to set up something and Im already condemning myself over it? WHY????????????

I hate these feelings.

Made me feel like just wanting to cancel the movie, I looked and their are no exchanges or refunds.

Its gonna be a drive for us to go. About 30 min or less from his place. I just wanted to do something fun ya know?

Ive got my old friend online asking me what im doing this weekend. This was the first online guy I met ever. That was 5 yrs ago and the guy who I tried to leave home to move in with the first time I tried leaving my ex ( long story if you arent a regular reader or remember) Anyways, we have remained friends. Im not interested in him, just friends thing. So hes all saying “I wish I had your problems, all these guys, me included would love to take you out, meanwhile you are upset all the time about the one you are with, move on!” we went over the talk of “Its not that easy” He said “Well make sure if you see your Hollywood friend tomorrow he takes you somewhere nice ok?” Hollywood dude said hed take me to seafood in Malibu. So sounds good to me!

Ohh what am I gonna do with this B thing? Im not asking for people to tell me what to do, cause inside I have my own thoughts I deal with. Im just giving it time, enjoying going out now meeting others, and seeing if B makes any changes.