Hurt and Tears
Dear Diary,
Well I got to work today to find an email from the Ex.
“Iâm trying to set here and let this just roll off my chest but I must say this. Iâm sorry about your check, It was not done intentionally. About me calling you, that will never happen again. My felling for you have change drastically! About the Kids, you have never in your life planed a birthday party for that far out. You, along with the rest of the family: are the one playing the game, you knew I had planed with ****** to go to see Star Wars 2. Your attorney will get the papers in a timely manner! “
I dont know why but today this letter really hurt me. I have been crying. This same person who called me up saying Im sorry for the way Ive been treating you, Im sorry I put you through so much shit, I love you… Well my mother told me “Victoria hes drunk, I know this pattern, dont buy into it, see how he is the following day” I guess one wants to hope for the good? But he just continues to be angry and bitter and blame everyone else.
And I have no idea about this “rest of the family” comment. Thats news to me. The only member of my family he has dealt with at all is my mother. And thats just for the drop offs. So not sure if hes referring to mine or maybe his? I really dont know how his family is responding to him right now. I know its difficult for families, most people of course side with the blood relative, because well its family, and its all they know and hear. But Ive been a part of his family for so long. And they know me well. I really wonder what has gone on behind the scenes. If they buy into and believe all he says. For one his Aunt and Uncle have been kind to me and actually have been the ones hes stayed at often but who tell him to calm down, and have stepped in, told him hes makign a big deal out of things he shouldnt. And the very last time he was out and I couldnt open the garage lock( after he had been here) And he yelled at me and hung up on me. Well he called back not long after all nice and being helpful. Im sure his family heard him and told him how not cool that was. Cause why on earth would he call back and try to be helpful? Unless someone prompted him too? Cause he sure doesnt act that way on his own.
Boyfriend said a lot of sweet things to me last night during our chat. We talked about the night we first met years ago, how he viewed me. It was really cool. We talked about how neat it is that we have a history that goes back years as acquaintances before we became a couple.
This am he sent me an email…..
“MUAH> GOOD MORNING. i MADE IT TO WORK BY 5:30…I GOT MORE SLEEP AND I AM
REALLY JUST MORE TIRED THAN I SHOULD BE…OH WELL SUCH IS LIFE I GUESS. i WILL
TAKE A NAP LATER..LOL
IM GOING TO GO AND MAKE SOME COFFEE REALLY SOON.i NEED IT TODAY IM LAG O MATIC I
TELLS YA.
IT WAS NICE TO TALK TO YA WHILE i WAS A BUILDING MY COMPUTER..i WONT HAVE MYCH
FREE TIME TILL SUNDAY…. BUSY BUSY FEW DAYS.
MAN i MISS YOU AND WHATS WORSE IS THAT I WAS SO LIKE IN THIS MOOD TO LISTEN TO
SHAKIRA… AND THAT JUST MAKES IT WORSE. LISTENING TO SONGS THAT MAKE ME MISS
YOU MORE. DAMN SONGS..SO I WONDER AT TIMES IF YA STILL FEEL THAT WAY WITH
EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON N STUFF.SHRUG JUST OLD TAPES PLAYING I GUESS..ONE OF
THOSE DAYS N SUCH.
HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY BEAUTIFUL.lOVES YA LOTS AND LOTS”
I wrote him back and told him thank you for being in my life, how nice it is to have him as a support person in many ways. Wether it be listening,talking or just knowing someone is there who loves you.
Hes changing and being more thoughtful and feeling with me.
I cant wait to see him too, Tuesday is our day.