My Dad passed away just over a year ago in May. All my life, he was difficult. He was a loner, he worked a good job forever. Provided a nice home, had his hobby of hunting and his guns. He would hunt deer and cut them up and have all the meat in our freezers. From the time I can remember, Dad had a room. As a kid it was a room built into the side wall of our garage, just enough room for an easy chair, ottoman, television set and a cooler mounted on the wall. I used to go out their and knock, Dad would open the door. I can remember him watching 1 Adam 12. Dressed in boxers and a white sleeveless tshirt and the smell of beer as I snuggled up and brushed against his stubble. He smiled and I sat long enough to get my hugs, then off I went. My parents were not much of a couple that I witnessed(i was born 9 yrs after my other siblings, and so I was more like an only child growing up as they had moved out when I was little) My mom one day was crying, moved her clothing out of their room. Mom never cried or expressed much emotion in that sense. Dad’s job he was an engineer, he worked in a room full of buttons and lights and monitored everything, he did this alone. His big thing was vacations and taking us to see National forests, trips to innertube in the snow, trips to Disneyland, Knotts and Universal Studios, we always had a trailer and stopped at camp grounds and saw historic sites. And if I came up to him, he picked me up and hugged me and swung me from side to side for the longest time and made this funny sound while doing it. In high school, Dad had ideas in his head, ideas about a friend of mine, ideas that he could not explain, ideas where he resorted to being nasty and threatening my friend, forbidding her from our home. Dad would use the N word, Dad hated Obama, Dad hated noise, Dad terrorized their neighbors to the point where the man came to the door with a baseball bat for damage my Dad had done to their swimming pool unit. Dad did a lot of sneaky things, Dad had money, Dad liked his TOYS, vehicles, cars, electronics and his cabin. He isolated, he drank, he was a diabetic on insulin. He made decisions for us without asking us, even as adults, TELLING us. It was done as a “Gift” but in a way was often painful. I came home one day to a plumbing company in my house knocking holes in my walls. I was in a panic. He hired a job to redo my plumbing without asking me and let the guys into my house. I was mortified as my display room of collectibles was not ready for this and they had moved my things. I had to tell the crew this is MY HOUSE I OWN, he has no legal right to this and to come talk to me and okay things with me. THis is how Dad did things. Mom said it always comes with strings attached. He just told me one day “When your divorce is final Ill get you new plumbing” and that was years prior, so he didnt give you notice or ask you when it was good for you.

I have numerous stories like that. With me and with my siblings. And you didnt want to seem ungrateful.

Dad never cared to ask our opinions, let alone want to know about us. You told him something and he went a different place in his head with it. He put his slant on things and then it was FACT in his mind. Even though you told him otherwise on numerous occassions.

He repeated stories over and over again. The one where he didnt want me to go to the public high school because he went there to check it out and he saw a kid walking with a jar of screws. That was enough for him. He then told the stories of how he knew his Mom did it to try to help him, she being a teacher, pushed him through school to fast, he was younger and smaller then the other boys, he got picked on and whipped with towels in the locker room and ran home down the train tracks.

My big sister and I have talked about Dad. He didnt have many “friends” My mom said earlier in their marriage he did, they hung out with other couples, but one by one they fell away, they couldnt deal with him, one hung in there but mom said he was similar.

My big sis says “Dad would not allow any input, there was no new input, it was only OUTPUT” from him, that really sums it up.

If you spend your life in a chair in front of a tv or a computer, he was retired. He was overweight and drank every evening, and had many issues with his insulin and had to give himself shots.

He did get away regularly and travel in his trailer and later RV. He went to Iowa and to other places to research his family tree and genealogy and visit cemeteries

He also went away to hunt

My brother told me the last trip he took with Dad, he was out of it, didnt meet him where they were to meet, was all mixed up, he was vulgar, he was drunk, he peed on the floor in the bathroom. My brother went off on him, told him he didnt respect him as a father, as a person yes, but as a Dad NO. He said he was worried Dad was suicidal after that (which is why I think Dad took off on his bday and fathers day each year now was because of what my brother said to him) Timing sounds right. My brother was more of a Dad to my big sis she says and always looked out for her. He told my Dad for years “You owe Her” for how he treated her.

He also threated to kill him if he ever hurt one of us.

Dad lived in his own world, he had a nice home, a wife, 4 awesome kids, a cabin, 4 vehicles of his own, an TV and a trailer. He had a nice retirement, he invested money and did well. He pretty much could do what he wanted. He was alone, he did things alone, he was difficult to REALLY talk to because he didnt listen or you didnt want to tell him too much as hed twist it out of context and take actions on what you said, without telling you and do something nasty or mean behind the scenes.

He was a BULLY is how my mother put it.

He got away with things.

He was sneaky

He didnt have much challenge, he didnt have God in his life

He just had him and what he wanted.

My big sister says “Dad really missed out on having fun with us, we are all great kids, thats what Im the saddest about”

I havent really cried since he passed. I cried the week he was on hospice when I came home before he passed.

We all avoided being around him, we didnt like to stay at the house. I didnt like calling when hed answer the phone cause he always sounded Mad. Hed get up when we ate dinner and go in the living room and turn the television set up LOUD when I was over visiting. He tried to tell me to stop bringing the boys over or to do my own “Running around” the kids as he put it, as to which mom gave him a piece of her mind. Told her they are our grandkids, be glad they want to be around us, it wont always be that way”

I know we are shaped by our parents, hardships also.

I knew my Dad loved me. I didnt hate my Dad. He was just difficult.

Best word for me to describe my Dad “DIFFICULT”

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