Making Life Changes

Dear Diary,

I think about this often. Just wanting to make a life change.

When I say that, I guess I should be more specific. I want a MOVE/HOME change.

But due to my sons education, I have to be in this area for AT LEAST 3 more years.

But the option of a different home, part of town, neighborhood are possibilities.

But then there is the other problem.

The housing market, husbands on unemployment, I am self employed but its just enough for us, not enough to get ahead, but enough to maintain for the time being.

If I were to put my house on the market, its just too low right now and theres NO WAY I could find anything comparable with all the upgrades to our home (we have new roof, plumbing, windows)

The only way I could afford the area Id like to live in is to get a mobile home. Bleh.

We have two dogs, one is a big dog and needs a yard and high walls. So that also doesnt make mobile home living appealing.

So I just keep saying this is just a temporary place for me. But I so would love to leave.

We put in a fence for added security and privacy around the property. Husband was away on Sat nite working and coming in just after 1am. I was up with the lights on and I heard my screen door rattle, I thought hubby was home, I waited in the office for the door to open, his usual. NOTHING. I waited, finally got up and looked out the peep hole to see a white tshirt(which is what he was wearing to work a side job)But the guy turns his head. Its one of the guys across the street, we have a group home over there. That freaked me out and I didnt say a word. Why is this man at my door at 1am????

I called hubby who was already on his way home. The guy was gone. No note, no nothing, the guy I have never spoken to, just see him.

So that really rubbed me wrong, as hubby was gone and a car was gone in our driveway, why was he at my door? And I have no idea what kind of men are placed in the house across the street, I just know its a “Transition” home.

Which I know my nephew ends up in those after he just gets out of jail.

Tonight we left for the bookstore and another one of the guys just pops up over Hubbys Jeep and is asking him questions about it as we are trying to leave. It was weird. I had a bad feeling. Now these guys who have to be late 40s early 50s are hanging out with the guy next door to me who cant even be 20. I watch as they go back and forth to each others homes, talk for 1-2 min, hand shake, hand in pocket. But now they are coming across the street in his backyard thru his gate, which just doesnt make me feel good as this is right up against my yard and property. When we were on vacation we came home to my front gate open, and crap in the backyard (a Plastic ruler, ball and a can of WD 40 my dog had mutiliated) The can had been in the crap laying along my neighbors house, they are trashy, the other neighbors. So I know the kids were throwing crap over the wall at my dogs.

It just gets old.

I dream, I want to get out of here. But here I am, financially its not possible.

So I try and ask what are my options?

And all I can see is WAIT.

The market is too low, Hubby needs a steady job, some home repairs need to get done.

Ive been so busy decluttering and selling off furniture, have the last bit of stuff Im trying to sell off. It feels good having less clutter.

But then there is my business. I need a large shed so all my inventory doesnt take over the garage so badly here. But I dont want to spend the money to have one here if Im going to leave in a few years.

So Im making due.

When the kids are 18, I would love to just rent a little cottage near the beach, I have told hubby this. Just depends on where we are job wise and all of that. But to take off, rent a cottage and just take off for awhile, if its just the two of us, we sell the house, and just see where we end up. That sounds nice, but who knows.

The job market here sucks though.

So how do you jump off and make the big life change? What can I do right now? I think I am doing it, fixing up the home, cleaning it out, so when the day comes I am READY. As my sis keeps telling me “TD Jakes says GET READY GET READY GET READY”

I also got notice that college money is set aside for my kids this week by family. My son already will have his AA degree and it wont cost us anything because of the program hes in, he will have an edge already getting this underway in high school, and now he has money for college.

Whats my dream? To live on property. I dont care if its a small house, but I want a back house and a shed, barn, whatever. One to work as an Esthetician and the other for my inventory for sales, then I can have both businesses at home. Yep thats what I want for myself.

Hubby had a job interview last week, he applied for a job today with the hospital. So far nothing has panned out, but he keeps plugging along, the side job still keeps him working off and on.

But it would be nice for him to get a good paying job and health benefits again for all of us.

And then we could move and get OUT OF HERE.

I dont know, I guess I ask what else can I do right now to get ready?

Everything takes money. Oh yeah, I guess thats part of the WAIT. So I can have other debts gone when the time comes also. The house will be ready to sell, debts will be out of the way, we will be free to go and to profit off the sale of the house, and the market can go up some again.

I just pray we can at least get out of this neighborhood sooner then that.