Life staying Calm? Or is it Me?

Dear Diary,
Its cloudy outside today.

So I know I probably have way too much time to think about such things, but do you ever feel like “Wow, things have been pretty calm, no major stressors” and your just rolling along but also know that life is full of ups and downs and almost afraid of the next down and knowing this state cannot last?

I was also thinking,,,, “Is it that there are less stressors?” or is it “Have I learned to handle stress better and am doing better with anxiety and panic?”

I find myself when talking to friends from the abuse support groups or listening to radio, Dr. Laura or Dr. Phil on TV… just various things, I feel like Im at a new stage, level, or whatever you want to call it. Beyond the crying over my situation phase, knowing what my life is and knowing I ultimately can change it also.

I see people who are stuck in victim mode, and I just want to propel them out of that state. So Im working on sharing growth and uplifting stories with fellow abuse friends. Because the tendency is to focus on the negative stories, tell them over and over, and also for people to react with alarm and “You poor thing!” instead of encouraging them with personal power of their own and to also have some personal resposibility for their lives.

I felt physically run down yesterday, so much so that I finally just went and laid down in my bed at around 11:30am and stayed there till about 2pm, I slept some of it, it was hard to get up. My body just feels tired, the only thing I can attribute it to at this point is my allergies. I did my Neti(nasal irrigation) thing with salt water the other day and opened up my sinuses but still there was more that needed to come out that didnt get so I blew my nose for a day, yesterday I did it again and finally wasnt blowing my nose anymore, I know when there is the nasty mucus thats a sign of infection so I had to flush that all out. So Im feeling more decent today. But I also think I just need to eat a decent meal.

Im so broke right now. Yes my check book is -$1,300! ha!

I have $800 in my savings if I need to pull it over soon to cover that, well Im not in the negative showing yet, in my balancing my books Im negative , but my bank account hasnt cleared everything. I should be having $400 arriving soon, another $100 for personal business, but that still leaves me short unless I pick up some big business all the sudden then I will finally have to yank the savings Ive been avoiding touching, ive made it this whole year pretty much leaving it alone but looks like the time may have come.

Just sucks cause I wanna pay for my kids to go to see the Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D at the El Capitan theatre in Hollywood with the Youth Group, maybe my honey will pay, Ill talk to him this weekend, I just cant shell out anymore cash, Ive nickled and dimed it with sport shirts, band shirts, field trip fees, kids counseling and school pics.

Anyways, thats it for now, Laterrrrr

Similar Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *