OJ Simpson Book Thoughts & Goldman Family

Dear Diary,
Ack I have been wanting to write in here so badly but the site wasnt working or connecting to the database!

I have always been following the OJ Trial… all of it. Since the day of the Bronco chase on TV its lodged into my mind.

I remember my oldest son was just a baby and at my girlfriends house and watching the chase and saying “He did it, why else is he running?” and the whole police chase on the news.

I saved the newspaper that found his NOT GUILTY in bold letters on the front page and still have it.

I have scoured the internet for personal stories, read letters Nicole wrote and listened to her 911 tapes.

I have read Faye Resnicks book.

And gobbled up whatever else radomly I could.

Why does this case appeal to so many of us?

I dont know, but I can only speak for myself.

First off the fact that a man got off with murder in front of our eyes on television was just insane.

And then myself having been married to a controlling abuser.

Studying the cycles of violence, but I think it was reading about their relationship that struck me, about OJ following Nicole, peering in her window and just many various things he did. These are what struck a cord with me. I was reading things and relating, seeing my own life.

It scared me, attending a domestic violence support group in secret, having counselors and group leaders help me with my “Escape Plan” if you will.

Panic, Anxiety attacks, Post traumatic stress, fight or flight responses….

And it just was just in your face. Reading about this woman… and what went on and what happened in the end.

I know what its like to date and want to keep it secret. I know what its like to feel “If anything ever happens to me look to my ex husband”

I know so well all too much.

I have read over Narcissistic Personalities and Sam Vaknin’s site on so much info about one. Seeing so much correlation in it all to OJ but also to what I was with for a chunk of my life.

I sit there and watch the Goldmans on tv. AND I RELATE TO THEM. I want to scream in the cheering section and applaud them, I have looked all over the internet today for someway to even email Kim or Fred but cant find a site or email to do so.

I watched Fred say “If one woman reads this and is able to get out its worth it” and I just want to tell him its already happened well before the book but Im sure it will touch more, just the very case has.

I know how it feels to live with a person who accepts no responsibility for wrongdoing, who throws up legal accusations and hires disgusting attorneys to plays games. I know how you want to scream inside, how disgusting the courts can be and sitting there enduring all of this nonsense.

I know how it feels to want to scream your story out, to get the truth out, to let the entire world know.

I am not sure why others feel the way they do, have the read the reasons and what has gone on?

I thought the book was gross and the tv special, but it was being done by OJ so of course it was gross! Then when the deal was pulled and I read the story from the book publisher or whoever the woman was that got this going, and her reason and approach, my mind was changed since that day.

But perhaps because after you have read on a Sociopath or Narcissist…. well they want the limelight and they are never the victim, they are never responsible, and the best way to expose them is to quote their OWN WORDS. Sure OJ wrote this for whatever sick reason, but he did it with his own intent, what that way we dont really know, but it was snatched out of his hands, its not his way now. Commentary is now added and he wont be getting the proceeds.

I see it as insight into a sick mind, but then again Im one of those people who marvels at humans, those who do such horrible crimes and WHY, whats going thru their minds, but then to see those that walk around denying, but someone so arrogant as OJ.

I have dealt with my own abuse situation, years of court hearings to try and hold someone accountable and them twisting things back on me, costing me thousands, I KNOW HOW IT FEELS!

To want to just scream out in a court room what a person truly is out of sheer frustration.

I see people saying its bitterness on the Goldmans part, it will eat them up…

I dunno, I see it as part of the process of what they have to go thru…

I know there are many days I want to tell my story, want to publish it, want to put it down on a site somewhere. AND YES I have 2 children with this man and they love him.

I keep saying Nicoles sis Denise say stop it because of the kids. It wont stop. Sorry. It will live on, and lets not blame the GOldmans, its living on because of OJ, because of what he did, this is the reprecussion and those kids will not be able to live a life hidden from it, I cannot even imagine what they must think now, on the show they said the kids are now on their own. This all will be out there for them, for them to read and make up their own minds about, wether they choose to or not.

And yes my kids may hear in the future how nasty their father was. I dont know.

Im sorry but we cant run around protecting people from the truth either…

I will be buying the book and reading it and I am supportive of the Goldman family….

Im sad the families are fighting over it, I wish they werent, but they both have an opinion I guess, but I just want to say as one person I do NOT think their deaths were in vain, and if you dont think Nicole isnt discussed among Domestic Violence support groups and women in them your wrong, It does impact us. It did give us a wake up call.

It reminded us of what can happen and what does happen, only a celebrity brought it to the forefront, otherwise it wouldnt have reached us the way it did.

I believe in forgiveness and I also believe in Justice.

I believe in following the law. and it is WRONG to murder.

And I see a sick man running around this earth who has no sense of repentence, just disgusting arrogance and running from the judgements placed on him and doing so in such a bastard of a fashion.

And it just reminds me of mine, just the other day, once again hearing how hes ignoring another…

These types of men could give a rip about legal judgements placed on them, judges requiring they pay for their actions. I have one who is skirting them also,

But its the way mine lives his life, shirking responsibility, twisting information around to his own children and then playing a victim manipulation game, and yes my kids get to listen to it and have no clue really as to everything just yet…..

I shake my head at how these people sleep at night