Crappy Fathers Suck!

Dear Diary,
Morning. Well woohooo its that lovely time of the month. Yeah girl stuff, I forgot to take my PMS Care stuff this AM too, darnit, which usually helps. Some vitamin/herb mix. Oh well, later today.

So my oldest brought home a progress report yesterday, and also the two missing assignments and completed them(My mom got on him about his field trips and that I wont let him go if hes not finished his work so he had the assignments done before I picked him up yesterday)

He has two field trips, one they are walking to the Movie Theatre next week and then the other is this week to the Museum to see the King Tut exhibit.

So as I said he had an F in one of his math classes on last Fridays progress report. And I was confused on that cause he had an A a month prior. So his progress report was good(report card deadline is today) So his grades were As, Bs and 2 C’s. No D’s or F’s! Well that’s not the report card yet, but that looks good. So he knows if he gets a D or F hes out of band.

Im really getting on the kids these days, just about following through on things and being responsible. My oldest cries, gags when cleaning certain things, (food related messes) and Ive told him I don’t care, its his job, he makes a mess, he cleans it up. He cried cleaning the shower tiles this past weekend, and I know I just have to get this kid to build more of a spine.

Hes a sweetheart but hes also lazy when it comes to some things.

So I took the kids out yesterday to get youngest new running shoes. We went to Big 5 and they only had 2 pairs of kids running shoes, so one was $19.99 and the other was a pair of New Balance for $50. Yipes, the cheaper pair looked cheap and I know New Balance shoes are good as B has them and likes them for the gym. So I got the costlier ones, then I found a pair of Dickies shoes on clearance, 2 pairs left, and had oldest try them on, $18 and they are nice. So I got those too, go to pay and find out youngests running shoes are $24.95! YAY! So I was very happy.

So of course he was ready to break them in! LOL He did 4 laps around the block last night, it’s a good run Im telling you! And he wanted to keep going but it was getting dark and I said No. Tomm is his next cross country meet at the college.

Im really dreading this weekend and my ex. Im just dreading this whole thing. Im just really angry at my ex right now. About everything. I talked to B quite a bit last night in bed about it all. How my kids don’t get it, what their Dad is. And its very frustrating.

So I am also not going to buy the kids Halloween costumes if they are not with me. If he wants them as he claims he can buy the costumes. Its not too much to ask for, but Im not buying them costumes, then driving over and giving them to him ready to go and then him being fun time dad and then dropping them back off.

He can have SOME responsibility and this is just getting so idiotic, if I didn’t write, he spoke to my youngest on the phone and told him hed get them for Halloween but cant afford to buy them costumes. That pissed me off so bad.

He pays NOTHING, NOTHING I tell you, Absolutely ZERO for anything, and now hes just telling them all the time he cant afford stuff which is a total crock of SHIT.

Hes always been a flake and up and down, but if I put pressure hed get a pair of shoes, an outfit, a Halloween costume, socks, something,,,, but its been 10 mos as I have said an no child support payments, no help with dental or medical he owes, no help with school clothes, no help with supplies, no help with kids school activities expenses, oldest needed $40 for a band instrument rental and he put him off 3 times over it and never gave it to him.

B talked to me about the girlfriend episode and that they should have held her for a 51/50? For mandatory 72 hrs. So how did she walk out? If my ex called and said she was hitting her kid and had a knife and went in the bedroom why did they have a problem taking her and couldn’t make her go then she went on her own yet left? And I spoke to B about how it was when I was married to my ex, way back before I realized much about abuse and control, my ex was holding me and my hands, angry at me about something I don’t remember, I got upset and yanked my hands loose and hit him telling him to let me go, he ran to the living room and grabbed the phone and threatened to call 911 and started to dial. Me being how I was back then, naïve and scared, I thought hed do it and Id get locked up, he was saying I was abusive, it was such a head fuck moment, I was so confused and scared and crying saying “You would do that?” and thinking of myself getting hauled off and away from my babies. Damn it makes me cry just remembering how scared I was and how evil what he was doing was.

So who knows whats gone on with he and the girlfriend. He told my mom he couldn’t leave the apartment and be outside with the kids cause he was afraid the girlfriend and her daughter would hurt one another.

Anyways, Im just so fucking done with him, with all of this. Him being a total retard.

I carry the damn load, and my friend was saying he just wants the kids around right now to look good to his girlfriend, like a good Dad.

Its all fucked up, men who do this crap are just fucked up I tell you! And I hear this kinda stuff more then you can imagine, what the hell is happening in this world when a father doesn’t even know how to be a father or care?

I dream a lot, just have fun with thoughts, moving to Iowa, I could afford a house and have it paid for. Live near my uncle and 3 male cousins, 2 of them are married with kids, good hard working fathers, family oriented, and just the idea of if I was away from their Dad they would have family male relatives at least to see role modeled around them. My Dad is a poor excuse of a man example too, hate to say, he is just there, he doesn’t pass anything on to them.

Well that’s it for the moment,,,, later