Rest of Todays Entry

So anyways, he did well with the kids, he ordered pizza for all of them while I was at work, they watched Star Wars.

I came home and oldest was more camped out with B, I went in the bedroom and watched Dr. Phil on people with physically abusive partners, male and female.

I just wanted to unwind and the Star Wars was loud, so I retreated to the bedroom, Then went to the office for a bit, little one came in and played his learning games on the other computer.

I then got up and totally cleaned the kitchen counters, unloaded the dishwasher and did the load of dishes, I then got some more of my toys out to clean up to sell and went to work on that.

We had leftover pizza which was fine by me.

I thanked B for staying home with the kids he even told me to go ahead to the gym if I wanted but I didnt go.

He is really putting forth effort with the kids, I can see it.

Anyways, I have some thoughts now after I got this email from Mr Comedy… he said… By the way it was funny he just went and saw Phantom of the Opera the same night B and I went.

Vicky,

“VERY interesting…! Hmmm!!! We Both did Music of the Night, huh???
LOL… Did you cry? I’ll admit… I did… Helped that I was
HAMMERED!
LOL!!!

Funny!

OK – first off… You know – if you send me an email like yours…
You are
going to get some FEEDBACK! LOL

So, food 4 thought after reading your email!!!!

Just please – get over the GRUDGE aspect of it! You’re feelings about
the
weed are affecting your ability to clearly way out the pros and cons of
your
current relationship with him. If that’s the ONLY problem… Than you
are
doing GR8!!! Just try and keep tabs on this over time! Give him the
third
strike rule, and beg him to come clean with you about what’s going on –
causing him to start using again!

That’s my instinctive 2 cents! Not saying any more!

Wow! The job quitting is a REALLY tough move without total trust in B
– on
the above issue! Quitting work and THEN ending U and B – would Totally
SUCK! Not to mention leave you F’d! Of course B is gonna be OK with
it…
It works in his favor! Makes you more dependant on him, and keeping
things
AS IS!

The house – The one thing I would be careful with refinancing, is what
kind
of rate you can get??? The really low 4 – 5% long term rates are GONE!

What’s your current rate? Unless it’s closer to 10 ( 8 to 10) – there
isn’t
much of an advantage, unless the whole idea is to refi – taking a
LARGER
loan and pulling out cash to fix the house! Problem there, is that ALL
those loans or lines of credit are adjustable rates! NO telling what’s
gonna happen to the rate! My guess is that they will keep going UP!
Unless we have some Insane – Unforseen National tragedy!!!

On top of that… What’s your situation with B and the house? Is he
paying
RENT? Or is he a part owner with you now? Better clarify that!

I would be open to helping you fix the house, in exchange for an equity
%!
I could loan you the money for it, (silent partner) when/if you and I
agree
on a % of equity you are willing to let me have – when you finally
sell…
This way you would have NO additional payments up front won’t have to
worry
about interest rates… and we all WIN when you sell!

Another house thought… Depending on how much you still owe on the
place… Consider selling! Take the profit and put a down payment on
a NEW
place! That way – NO horrible contractor issues, and you all get to
Upgrade! Plus, it may end legal ties to the property that your X might
try
to claim later… Since it’s completely in your name… Sell now,
clean
the slate, move on!

I would be open to helping you with the DPayment on that – as an
investment
partner!!!

As for car… Plenty of GR8 car deals out there right now! LOL…
Just
don’t be picky! Get something NEW-er, that gets GR8 mileage, and
doesn’t
make for a HUGE monthly payment!!!

Me”

Okay, first off Im no way taking the dude up on a loan. LOL I have my parents way before a guy I dated briefly to talk to for any assistance if its even needed.

But he said something about “Does B pay rent or is he part owner with me?” Well obviously I own the house, obviously we arent married. So that seems like a no brainer, but him asking me that question made me think about the way B talks, he says things like “Huney we made our first mortgage payment together” and stuff like that about the bills. He does see things as US. And to be honest it creeps me out.

Yet he has no hurry on marriage, and told me the other day he doesnt care, married or not, he will help with things, like when I talk about the roof and all that, and I told him I didnt expect or feel that was necessary until we are married. he said “If you feel that way fine” In an annoyed pulled away from me tone and said he was WITH ME, regardless of marriage or not.

I guess in my mind I have always had my escape route mindset, and hes thinking US. He helps with utitlies, tv, cable, all the stuff we jointly share, and then the kiddos school tuition which he offered.

But my credit cards, vehicle repairs, etc etc. I just do myself and dont expect or ask for his help.

But he has asked me before about my credit cards and I know hed pay it off for me sooner, but I wont do that.

Its a conflicting place all of this stuff.

He doesnt mention marriage. Yet sees and talks like we are.

I am afraid of it and afraid things wont work out and feel Im safeguarding myself, yet at the same time am impressed by how he does view the situation, the children, me, the house, finances, taking care of me, etc.

Just so many things you know?

And a note to the comment…. I cant remember what I last wrote as Im just pasting this entry as I wrote part of it earlier today….

I told B Im not okay with it, dont want it in my house or around me. He said that doesnt mean he will not ever do it but that he can respect how I feel about it and wont let it happen around here again.

He tells me this is a now and then thing, like a few times a year, if thats the truth, well then, we shall see eh? If he does it again here or around me, hes been told already.

You know this is the type of thing that concerns me and makes me get all scared of marriage and all. Stuff like this, cause right now its my house, my rules, you know? When you join together the other party feels some sense of entitlement there with their living space, etc etc…

I guess its just bleh to me, I didnt grow up around any drug use(that I was aware of at least) nor did I see it. I first learned about Marijuana at my first nanny job. As the father did it and left it around the house half the time, which disgusted me as there were seeds a bowl in the living room, paper pieces of it on the floor, and he kept a plant in the back room of their office out back. And these kids were like 6 and 8.

After being with that family for 3 yrs, I then took a live in Nanny position and that father had a bong in the garage he smoked, I knew where he kept it, the 3 kids knew Dad did it, he went in the garage at night, The mother hated it, she even talked to me about, she was afraid the kids would tell someone and all that,,, I remember as my bedroom was next to the garage if the kids went looking for Dad in the garage and he was “Occupied” he screamed at them to get away.

Thats the main reason why I wanted to move out of there, the Dad was yelling at the kids, the smoking in the garage, the Mom frustrated with it and wanting him to stop….

No thanks,,, you know?

I have been reading a lot on Angelina Jolie as of late, in magazines, her adopting a child and how being a mom has changed her, how her kid is important, more then a man, and about celebrity marriage breaks up supposedly over the MAN wanting children and the woman concerned with a career,,,, I could see then why Brad Pitt would be attracted to a woman like Angelina then(if that rumor is even true at all)

Well Im outta here for now.

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