Bad Ex Parents
Dear Diary,
Okay so lets try to get this finished!
B and I head out, as I walk out the front door there is a note on my mailbox from my childhood friends! They stopped by but my doorbell barely works and b and I were in the office with music blaring so I didnt hear them at the door! WAAAAAAAAA I havent seem them in over a year!
They left two phone numbers, I called T up and she was at the fair now, with her brother, her husband, new baby son, her mom, darnit! And they were staying late.
So we caught up briefly, her brother was leaving next AM and not in town living here. But I told her now that we caught up and I have her number we need to visit, I know she and her husband bought a house near me. And I hadnt seen her since she was first pregnant.
See I grew up with these guys, 3 siblings. My sisters used to babysit them, their grandparents lived across the street from my house, they lived around the corner, I spent so much time at their house and on family outings as kids with them, loads of memories!
Two of them have since gotten married, I attended both weddings.
They are good kids(okay so they are grown up now) Im older then all of them, not by many years, but they seemed so much younger when we were young. A is the oldest, hes now bout 30, R is the middle one, he must be about 28? Then D is the yougest, shes about 26 I believe? Somewheres around there.
Anyways, their parents divorced later on, the kids were put in private school by their grandparents, but their home life wasnt ideal, their mom was horrible with money and an explosive temper, there house was always filthy and there was hardly food in their fridge, they ate so much fast food. I used to clean their dishes for the fun of it as it bothered me so much as a kid seeing all the dirty dishes. I always wanted to clean their house.
After their parents divorced, the house got clean, the daughter began putting a womans touch, the Dad started redooing things, and things looked so much better, they all stayed with their Dad.
They grew up to be good Christian kids, T met her now husband had the whole Promise Ring of promising her virginity to God until she married. Shes an awesome sweet girl whos was going into nursing.
R is in the military and is now out here with his wife.
A is the oldest and unmarried, ive written about him, hes super thin, sickly thin, I sware he looks like someone with Aids, and his teeth look bad. Not sure what is wrong with that boy, he was a little feminine growing up so hes one of those I would be surprised if he announced he was gay.
They are a good family, even seeing their Mom at the last wedding was neat. Shes a character all right. I just remember her standing up for me as a kid in a way Id never seen a woman do.
I was yelled at by a woman at a park as a young teenage girl out with this family, this trashy woman came over and said I told her son to “Go to Hell” and to get off the slide, it was a lie, but this woman just came after me yelling. And my friends Mom got up and just told this lady off big time.
Then there was the episode with their Uncle, the one who tried to touch me sexually and touched the daughter, I never told, so one days the kids and I were discussing it as we knew it among ourselves, the mom over heard, and sat me down, asked me if I told my Mom, told me I need to tell her, then went and confronted her own mother who was visiting and the uncle lived with her, the grandma went off on me saying hed never do such a thing and I remember the mom saying “Dont you yell at her! Shes just a child!” and she urged me to always tell my Mom if somethign like that happens. Back in those days people didnt talk about molesting, so I didnt know what it was, I knew it felt wrong, but was ashamed and embarrassed to talk to my Mom.
Sooooooooooo, side tracked now.
B and I went by girlfriend D’s house on our way to see if they still wanted to get together. B got a tour of the place, it looks so good! They put in new light cieling fans, got a new dresser and D got a new van! Im all damn! She said they just ordered a new couch also. The house looks beautiful.
Makes me envious.
Have to remind myself not to dwell and compare with others. D has lived nicely, and I know how she spends money, so this new hubby, wow, not sure how he is, but just hope they arent throwing themselves into loads of debt!
Sure B and I could go out and do all that stuff too, but it would all be on credit.
Anyways, she saw her kids monday for 3 hours. I asked about the Monitor. SHe said “Vicky, shes my friend now! The woman looks at me and says “This is ridiculous, you dont need me here” She dropped the price from $45 and hour to $30 on D. To monitor her visitations. She said the monitor is a christian gal also. And D said “So my oldest tells me Grandma hit her, and my youngest son tells me Dad has shown his gun to him twice” and the monitor has to write all this stuff down and D was all “Damn I didnt even prompt any of this! The kids just said it all in front of the monitor!” So shes praying to God this gets dropped, the court date is the 13th. And Im not kidding, you have to see how D is, a monitor would wonder what the hell!
They said theyd come over a little later, so B and I got BBQ stuff, got the kids and went home, D and her hubby came over, and she was just talking with my kids, telling me to kiss them alot, talking to them about school and asking them if she looks like a mean mom after our legal talks, the kids were all having a blast, shes a total kid person and has that personality that just lights kids up. Shes a second grade teacher and Id love to have her teach my kids.
Well while she was there she jumps up and says “B, tell me the story about your tattoos, I want to know what they mean, I know they all have a story” B was sorta serious last night, he seemed irritable, I couldnt really tell. I know one of his tatts is personal, even his family wonder what it says, as its oriental writing, I know what it says but I know not to tell as he doesnt like to talk about it or tell others. So I thought the other tatts were cool. He told some about the other one, D is very open, talkative, inquistive, and she will pry. I made a mention that B needed to tell more behind it. Anyways, after they left he sat down next to me and said “While I understand what you were trying to do I didnt appreciate it” referring to prodding and saying “Tell more” about the tattoo. He said “Vicky, I dont tell just anyone about this stuff, I feel safe and very close to you thats why I told YOU, I like D, but this stuff is personal, and once I start to tell something people keep digging for more and I dont like that”
I felt horrible, I said I didnt mean harm, but that I was sorry and I understood now.
I wanted to cry.
My eyes were welling up. He said “Look, Im n ot mad at you, I just want you to know” I said okay and walked out of the room, i didnt want to bawl around him, I just felt a strong need to cry.
So I went to be alone, he came in and stood in the doorway and said “Are you okay” I said yes and just hugged him trying to hide I was crying, I just needed to let it out was all.
He left me be again and put out the bbq. He came in the bedroom and said “Vicky? Are you okay?” I said ” I just feel bad” Hes all “Dont feel bad, okay? Im over it, Im not mad at you”
So I talked a little bit and told him that I hoped he u nderstood that there are times he says things to me that hurt me or offend me, that he may see as silly or not understand, but I dont feel he feels bad or sorry, and that maybe now he would understand. To see how it feels, and he said “Yeah I see what you mean” Hes all “But Im learning right?” and held his fingers up and said “Just a little bit?” LOL and we hugged, and he crawled up on the bed with me and was snuggled up to me.
Just more adjusting you know? B is a private person. Im open, B has a lot of personal boundaries and some are just walls. I didnt see it as horrible what he was sharing, but for him it wasnt something he just shares, he shares when he feels a deep sense of trust, and he doesnt feel that with a lot of people, hes named who he feels that way about, and Im about top of list under his long time highschool buddy.
So just remembering this is B, and how he is. And I know if someone prodded me to do something or talk about something I didnt want to Id be upset also.
My youngest was super hyper last night, really really bad. My Mom said Ex dropped the kids off with some guy in a red car, I told her about ex and his behavior, shes all “Ahh hes showing off in front of his buddy” trying to make me look like a bitchy ex, but creating the whole scenario himself.
Yeah so my kids sat around and watched Hellboy this weekend.
Why cant he just get them kid movies to watch??????
I swear, the man leaves a month ago as Mr Church man preaching at me.
Returns a month later after his time with nature and being a camp counselor to getting drunk and acting like an ass. Im surprised he hasnt gotten into drugs by now. If he keeps up with the people hes been hanging with, that will be next. I pray to God he gets out of that group, its concerning me as a parent.
I was just imaginging my ex having a monitor, you know? I could see that, A monitor seeing what crap he puts on the tv for them to watch, that he lives in a garage and they all sleep in it, I mean granted he uses the house kitchen and rest rooms, but still hes confined to the garage because he has nowhere else to go, and for whatever reason this dude cant give my ex the boot to get out, he got him out of the bedroom, but hes still there, and I know the guy is a christian and has had talks with my exs about the women hes around and his drinking.
Im afraid there may come a time I need to go back to court over custody.
OH, at the grocery store yesterday, the clerk said “Thank you Mr and Mrs B” I smiled, she referred to us as Mr and Mrs??? lol B’s last name.
I giggled as we left, he said “You better start getting used to that!”
He wanted to by a new Windows XP program and even asked me if I was okay with him purchasing that last night! Im all “Well sure? As long as your not broke and can afford it, go ahead” Hes all”Well I just wanted to consult with your first honey”
Aweeeeeeeeee
The boy is really trying can ya tell?
And it seems since he got here, the urgency and fear I had to get engaged right away and marry has dwindled, I was thinking about marriage this Am and panicing! LOL.
I was thinking about the kids and future court custody issues and attny fees and things and wanting to know if B would stand by me and know I could go through that and the money that will cost, and so that is an important thing to cover should we marry.
okay so thats it for now……