Want to BE HOME

Dear Diary,

Waiting for computer guy to come back online to help set up my work email acct at home.

A tear pours down my cheek.

Im just fried once again. Im back in my disgust for work slump. Just wanting out, wanting to say GOODBYE and not go back.

I flipped on talk radio today and they are going over this book right then. I said “Dang was this for me or what?” the title was “From Burned out to Fired Up” and it basically was about women who are doing it all, doing too much and the burn out. They had a contest for the first 40 people to email their addy would get a free copy, I sent an email as she was announcing it, and dang! I still didnt get it in in time, 🙁

I got all the papers home today from my kids classes, for volunteering, room parent, more help needed with the 5th grade class. Its the last year there, my son has the only teacher on this track, there is one teacher for 5th and she has 33 students!

I just stare at the papers, and Im going to sign up this year. They are only kids for so long, soon they will be off and not want mom around and I will regret missing these things, So what if it cuts into work, Im signing up and too bad.

I want to cut back my hours, I want to go to the dr and get asked for a note for stress leave, I want to just save up money and quit with a buffer of time and enough money to get by, I think of putting an ad for a roomate, which would help with finances in the meantime, it could be a college student or something?

Im resourceful, I have oodles of ideas, they swirl through my mind.

Im angry, so fucking angry at my ex.

What a bastard.

Yeah I want to blame him for his lack of financial help.

IM TIRED

Im so tired

I just want off, I want to retreat into my world of my little family and nothing more.

dammit now Im really bawling….

I took the kids to Barnes and Noble after school today, I read some more of the book I was working on, my youngest paled around with me on the couch all reading our books, he showing me comic book characters he thought were cool, and finally I had him get a book and squeeze in the chair with me and read it to him.

We then went to Panda Express, ate outside together all 3 of us. Then we went to the park, youngest did a lap with me, then I ran 3 alone. Then we headed by my moms who picked up cereal and new socks for the kids.

Got them home, squared away for bed, I just want to stop, I want to be back with my kids, thats all. THATS ALL