Together or Not

Dear Diary,

Weekend is here thank god.

Although Im not as excited about it as I could be, but hopefully that will change. Not sure if Im heading to B’s tonight or tomm morning. Will see how I feel tonight, then we will be together until Monday.

Im curious to see how this weekend will be, a total getaway. Just US.

It seems we talk about things, but we dont? Does that make any sense? Like the moving in together, where we are headed, yada yada…

At times I feel I should just take the plunge and push past my fears.

Other times I feel I should just be single.

Anyways, I just hate the alone down times when Im lonely. And hes not nearby. And wonder how that would change with having him here?

Last night he told me his roomate is moving out. And he said “You know what that means?” I said “What?” All happy sounding. He said “I get his parking space”

::::Sigh::::

I brought up the topic of us living together and all that again, he got sorta defensive and was all “Vicky, you think Im gonna leave here just cause hes going? I told you Im working on the thing with us”

He was a little snappy about it. And I said “Well I just dont really know what you have in mind about us, you have said things like when you got your tax refund, or in a couple of months…..” And hes all “And yeah you have said things” I said “I know that, but at least I talk to you, I dont really ever know what you want, so what is it you want for us?” And he could only come up with “I dont know” answers.

It didnt really go much further then that, granted we talked more of course, but no headway was made. OH! But I did suggest what my support group friends said about try living together for 2 weeks. Before he moves out, for us to give it a try. He said “I dont like that idea, If Im paying rent, Im going to pay for 2 weeks and not even be here?” I said “Well okay then, you can just move out completely and if things dont work out when you totally move here then you will have lost your place and will have to start over”

Then he went on about the commute and transportation issues. How he cant just jump into the vanpool for 2 weeks only, yada yada….

Then sort of ended it with, he will look into it..

:::Shrug:::