Wow

Dear Diary,

I went and did some searching on the Internet. Looked up “Self Sabotage” and then went and looked up on book sites, for a book to read and this stuff just hit me also, OUCH.

Im so exhausted these days, just not in too much of my self help find out whats wrong this time and work on it. It seems there is always something more around the bend, you walk through something, learn, get strong, then realize how much you still have to learn. Lifes that way though isnt it? Im just so tired of doing things and not getting why and we all know Damn Willpower doesnt cut it cause if it did the world wouldnt be full of addictions and destructive behaviors.

But reading this made me go, wow, is that what this is with me?

Just a book description from
“When Misery Is Company: Ending Self-Sabotage and Misery Addiction
by Anne Katherine”

Why does happiness always seem to elude certain people? And why, when these same people seem to be on the cusp of achieving happiness, do they sabotage themselves?

This is the first book about addiction to misery, a common but subtle problem that keeps many people from responding to counseling or therapy, healing from old hurts, and experiencing fulfillment and joy. For people who are addicted to misery, happiness itself is frightening and threatening. As a result, every joy must be equalized by a setback. Too much success must be balanced by failure.

People who are addicted to misery try to protect themselves against feeling bad by not feeling too good. For them, happiness itself triggers a pattern of decisions and behaviors that leads to emotional pain – pain that is comforting in its familiarity. Because of the subtlety and contradictions of an addiction to misery, many talented therapists and counselors may not recognize it and those who have it often unable to see through it.