Nervous Writing

Dear Diary,

Evening. Ahhh. Its nice, I dont feel all under pressure tonight and like I have a zillion things to do. Yes I have stuff to do, but its not like I felt the other night.

I was feeling all nervous about Screenwriting class. My 2 page treatment. I was trying to write it last night and just drawing a blank. B called me and I said what was up. Hes already taken the class himself so he told “Stop editing yourself, just write, just let it all flow, theres no wrong answer, just WRITE”

And he talked me through a lot, at first I was annoyed with him, but finally what he said made sense. He said “Im not trying to give you a hard time Victoria, Im just telling you dont worry about it, if it sounds perfect, if you think the teacher wont like it, if you dont think your doing it right. JUST WRITE, let it out whatever it is.”

So today I did. 🙂

Which reminds me! I have to order a script tonight! We have to bring in one from our favorite film next week.

I took off work today, It was SOOO nice. God I miss being home. I miss it A LOT.

The weather was beautiful again. I was up at about 8am, didnt have to rush the kids off to Grandmas. I did laundry, cleaned the bathroom floors, mowed the front lawn, all before 10am! I felt so accomplished. I went to the store for cough meds and drops for oldest, I took the Cable Box convertor to the local Cable Co.

Just got things done, and wow it was warm, I wore a sleeveless shirt, and slip on shoes with no socks, and I was sweating!

Class was 7 students this time! Keeps getting smaller. I was nervous today, but it went well. I tend to doubt myself often and freak myself out but things usually go just fine, so it was just self doubt.

The instructor sat with me one on one and went over my treatment(only 2 of us had one he could read) Everyone else didnt type theres out as he said, so he said he wont read them if they are hand written.

So he called me up. I was nervous. But in a way it felt good.

He found parts of my story interesting, he asked if they were from personal experience, Part of it is taken with my past church experience, and my ex,,, but the rest there out is a revenge type story.

Its sort of all over the place, but it has a spiritual element of good and evil and all that.

Im still having trouble with my ending. I need to get that part nailed down better, but he went over somethings with me and it was really cool. He said form here on out hes going to do one on one time with us also since the class is so small.

We all shared our “Inciting Incidents” in our stories out loud, and then he has classmates share feedback and thoughts. He calls it “Jamming” like musicians do. Theres no wrong answer, we just toss out things. Its cool.

He then asked how many of us regularly write? How long have we been doing it? How many pages a day? etc.

I told him Id been journaling steadily since I was in 8th grade. I stopped some during the marriage(I was afraid he would find it)Then I found the internet journaling.(He found that too) But I made it private, and all that for sometime and started anew.

So Bs friend is going to pick us up at 6am Friday morning to take us to the airport. Cool dont have to drive my Jeep and pay for parking!

Wow, Im going on a trip!

Me and B, going on a plane, to Nashville! Just the two of us!

It will also give me some reading and writing time with the plane flights and all.

My sister called me last night at about 11pm. We were talking till almost 1am!

Shes still just there, getting by, My Dad wrote her an email that she read to me. He reminded my sister that she needs to put responsibility where it lies. To tell hubby what she wants (To stay in the house, he pay the bills as agreed and she will take care of the girls) and if he does not agree to that to walk away. That the responsibility belongs to the original parents. And both are irresponsible. Dad said the girls will survive, yes their lives are messed up, but they will survive, but my sister has to look out for herself also. Not be used as a sitter to a man who wants to go and play and string her along, when she has no legal rights to the girls.

Shes going to get an AIDS test this weekend and is leaving the house.

He can tend to the girls.

The whole family is beside themselves(his family) and they are angry with him also.

He told my sister for the past 2 yrs hes waken up each morning hating her. Yet he was a loving man to her all this time? Shes all??? So it was fake or what?

Its a very strange situation.

Well thats it for now.

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