Ex Spouses

Dear Diary,

Well last night we worked on Oldest Childs Missions project and so that was a great bulk of the evening since it was the last night. Im proud of him, hes a smart kid and does well left to himself to get things done, I did help a lot but I know I could have left him to fend for himself more and he would have done it still. He got all into it. He then went and drew some pictures of wall murals and a shell or something he said he saw when they watched a video at school on his mission.

So today he has to present his Mosaic, His 3 D Mission, and give an oral presentation. He has to give the name, founder, where its at, what number mission it is, etc. And then list the ingredients of what he used on the mosaic, he needs to speak clearly, not figit and all those things, he wanted me to come, and they want me to come to their Vday parties Friday, I just cant. Im already gonna miss work monday since little one asked me to please stay home with them on Presidents Day.

B has the day off also, so perhaps we can all go do something on Monday.

Last night I went in to talk with the kids, I casually brought up what youngest said in class to his teacher about his Dad ruining Mexico and Candas flags. So little one was telling me “Yeah Dad will wreck any flag that is not this countries” and he was being pure and honest in his explanation to me, I didnt say anything that sounded like it was bad, I wanted to first hear it from my kids without them getting this was wrong from my tone. So my oldest says “Yeah and Dad doesnt like the Chinese”

I said “So do you think thats a good idea? Do you think we should destroy other peoples flags?” And the kids both said YES.

:::Sigh:::

So I said “I want you guys to remember, Adults dont always say the right things, even your Dad” and then said “What if you went to another country? YOu would still be an american right? You know that flag quilt you hang on your wall? Well how would you feel if someone came in and tore it apart and ruined it?”

And I went on to explain to them how important the flag is to people, just as it is important to us. Their Father has them thinking that other flags have no business here at all, this is the US, and I know it stems deeper to racism, but at this point they dont gather that. So I explained racism to them last night. They didnt know what it was. I also said they need to be careful what types of things they say, they could hurt or upset someone who was from Mexico or Canada, or another country saying things their Father has said.

So my little one says “Well Mom, Dad doesnt do that much, he has only wrecked flags about 2 times, and he did it when nobody was looking”

?????????????

I said “Hun, that is destroying someones property, and it is also sneaking to do it, thats wrong, It doesnt matter, it doesnt make it okay. Would you think its okay if someone came and destroyed your property when you werent around?”

Crap, you know, this is probably the height of my Ex Husbands ignorance thus far, the giving them wine and his idiotic excuse was bad I thought, but this is just disgusting, and Im very very dissapointed.

I marvel at my Ex, I have no clue how I did it, I told my Mom and sister yesterday “HES JUST SO WIERD” as its all I can spit out. I talk to him now. I play stupid mainly and just let him ramble, I talk about the kids of course to him, but other stuff I pretty much just listen, and he will talk and tell me a lot, which I find important to keep me up with things somewhat. He also has been telling the kids and myself hes getting his own house, and he was supposed to move last weekend. Well he said “Uhhh, well, its a toss up between me and another guy, I m ake more money, but the other guy has better credit, not that my credit is that bad”
HA!

He just had a truck repossesed this last year that he never turned into the dealer when his lease was up.

Anyways, I was talking to my Mom, that my big goal with the kids is I want to see them finish high school. And I do worry about that becoming an issue down the line, the teenage years, the “I want to live with Dad” coming out at some point. Cause you know that day will come. And their Father is a drop out and irresponsible and I have no idea how much he drinks now, hes so frickin strange and his outlooks on the world and life are troubling to me.

Ive gotta keep teaching these little ones other wise, I pray that what I pass on to them can help weed out the garbage their father spouts off.

Also though, at this rate, my ex, I wonder where he will be in a few more years, hes not on a good path. Its just so strange listening to him, it really is, hes so far from me now. Yet I know so much about him and spent so long with him, yet at the same time hes so foreign.

Lord Help Me

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