Abrupt BYE
Dear Diary,
Well I went to bed before 10:30 last night which is pretty amazing for me.
B didnt call either. 🙁 Yeah I was hoping he would but inside figured he wouldnt.
He didnt respond to my letter yet, and even emailed me yesterday to tell me he would get to it. So when I got home that eve there was no response, so I figured he had no time at work. So he signed online last night and just talked as if nothing and I told him that I felt all weird now. Like I dont even know if I should talk to him, should I leave him alone. Hes all “Whatever” when I said that. Grrrrrrrrrr!
I told him “Look you said it” Hes all “I didnt mean dont talk to me or ignore me” I said “I didnt say that either, I emailed you about how I felt” Hes all “Yeah, well you seem to want to take it this way, so whatever, Im going to eat, BYE” and just logged off before I could even respond. Which pissed me off even further. Oh and I did get to say “If you meant something different then please explain”
He said “Just dont be so available” and that was it?
I so want to talk to him, to email, to do something. I hate feeling all weird like this. Yet at the same time Im so sick and tired of being treated this way.
Im a girlfriend dammit, who wants to spend time with her partner, and Im sitting here trying to figure out WHATS my issue??? Ummm I dont give a fuck that he has issues and enjoys being alone anymore, why the hell am I bending over backwards to accomodate HIS ISSUES and lifestyle. Dammit compromise and give something back to me. Im sick of it. Im sick of missing and wanting. Im sick of doing the work. Give me something.
Im sad tho too, I miss talking to him. But I just feel if I always keep things smoothed over I dont give him consequences or make it known things he has done are NOT okay with me. I might write another email today, I dont know. Just to say that Im not okay with this anymore.
Its scary tho, I get so afraid of losing him, but yes in the other part of mind Im saying “Hes losing YOU, your a great person, if he cant appreciate what you have to offer thats his problem not yours”
Its just scary for me is all.
So, 🙁