Backing off on the Man

Dear Diary,


Hiya. Im exhausted.


Im taking a fat loss supplement, just started today. Xenedrine. Along with my working out. I was doing a lot of reading on the net about this stuff, it doesnt have Ephedra, there is a female body builder in our gym, a big name one so was reading about stuff she does on the net. Shes in a competition right now and her hubby is a big name body builder also.


I want to see if it does any difference along with my working out, losing that little gut I have and the thigh areas.


I had a good time at the gym today. I went in earlier, was with my gym buddy and this other woman hes helping and working out with, shes prepping because shes taking tests for the Police Dept. She has one more left. Shes also going thru a hairy prolonged expensive divorce, and she was really nice and so we talked a lot. I like her. 🙂


So It was a very good workout, as well as socializing today. I had a great time.


My work day was nuts, not because of work, but due to last minute paper stuff to present to ex to sign for our final divorce papers. They were finally done today and he was having someone pick them up. So now Im anxiously awaiting the outcome, he has to sign and notarize them.


I called my friend C today who is a Loan guy to talk about refinancing the house, so hes gonna go over it all with me as soon as I get the final stuff.


Im also going to a Spa Party his wife is giving Sun. Shes selling for the Body Shop, they are now selling thru in home parties and so we get pampered n stuff, so that will be interesting. And I will get out with women! YAY!


There is a big Poppy Festival this weekend, not sure if I will go, I havent driven out to see the Poppies in years tho, Ive done it ever since I was a kid, so its not really appealed to me, was so used to going with mom and dad and just staring at flowers. But now I kinda wanna go, 🙂 Can take the kids to see the mountains covered in Poppys.


Went to Target tonight and found this cute little table for a plant to sit on, its sort of bamboo looking. Maybe this weekend I will do some more painting. I need to do 2 hallways and have no idea what color! Grrrr! My living room has the London red in it, so I need a color that kinda flows well with it since this room lets into both hallways. So I need a color that makes a nice transition, any ideas anyone?


B has been kinda quiet this week. His emails are less from work, although he told me work has been hectic and is having some frustration with other people doing their jobs, I notice with B, he works hard, but he seems to feel so responsible for things, puts a lot of pressure on himself, and when things arent going fast enough or the way he thinks they should hes very frustrated about it. I just try and listen to him and let him vent.


He went to Ju Jitsu class last nite and his arm started to hurt badly so he had to quit early so he was bummed. He has a lot of pain. Arm and shoulder pains, and he has probs with his knees. When we went to Costco he stocked up on a lot of vitamins n things, said he needs stuff for his joints. I know he pushes himself so hard, It just seems hes always got some kind of pain, its a way of life for him. Im the opposite.


I dont take pain meds really, just when I get a headache, I dont have to much prob with muscle or strains. I have learned I need to stretch mainly to prevent such things, do exercises, when I stop thats when I injure my neck or back or wrists.


Did anyone watch that show about the women who got these major makeovers? Like one woman got her lips done, plastic surgery, tummy tuck, breast lift, hair extensions, eye laser surgery so no more glasses, major clothes shopping and make up and hair done.


Other woman had her nose and lips done and all the usual hair, makeup clothes.


Hmm so what would u change if you were given such an opportunity???


Id want to get rid of my stretch marks, the cottage cheesy look on back of my thighs, Although that type of surgery scares the crap out of me. Id prefer alternative methods if any work to improve the texture of my thighs, they arent big, its just the dimpling up near my butt.


Im so overly self conscious of it,


And its funny, I have been skinny, all my school years and even after having kids, Im not big now, but I was even smaller, and Ive NEVER worn a full on bikini, like the little bottoms. I feel with my thighs and my little pooch tummy its not flattering, yet I see women larger then me wear them and they dont look awful or anything, yet Im so self conscious and have been at a young age. I want to get over that you know? feel confidant. I want to wear half shirts and feel I look good doing so. So I guess thats kinda my goal right now, Toning up, losing some fat in certain places.


Yes Im self absorbed, Ive just never really worked at it before, and now Im determined. I want to look great this summer.


Im getting compliments at the gym on my upper body, shoulders and arms, so thats nice, but lets get the lower half looking good too!


So I was thinking of waxing some facial hair, but thanks to all your comments Im not going to do it. 🙂 So back to tweezers for now until I inquire on electrolysis and its costs, procedure, effectiveness.


I got my filling done yesterday for my one cavity. God I hate the part where that needle is in your mouth to numb you. I think thats the worst part of it to be honest. just sitting there waiting for her to take it out of my mouth. I get so tense!


So she removed my last silver filling on the bottom of my mouth! YAY! So I only have one left on the upper left hand side, all the rest have been the white amalgmam fillings so you dont notice I have fillings, it looks so nice opening my mouth now in the mirror and its white, and plus all the warnings now with Mercury in the silver ones, and it being suspected to cause auto immune problems.


I got to chat with my dentist also, Ive been seeing her since I was in 5th grade! Can u believe it! Shes really sweet and got the update on my divorce and my life, How time has flown and so much has happened!


Has class last nite, it was kinda long and bleh, just watching film for 4 hrs gets tiring. But a guy classmate got really jerky during a break and in this sort of put down crap to the women in the class, which resulted in some women throwing some good comebacks at him, the teacher was all OOOOOOOOOH, but the guy got so bad that the teacher had to tell him enough. One chick is all “Hmm you must be really small to be making such a big deal over the topic of women in film, what are you trying to compensate for??” And well the rest of the guys were silent while this guy was a jackass in class. I think all the women totally dislike him now. He was sexist and bragging about himself.


Im kinda laying off B, the sex, pursuing him. Im just tired of it I guess for now. Trying to do other things, Not being the ever willing and waiting and horny girlfriend. I get to frustrated, I need other things to do.


Well thats it for now! Laters

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