His Crack At It??
Dear Diary,
Ok so Ex messaged me tonite, and well here it is,,,,
Ex: I have been doing alot of praying and this is how i feel…. you might just let me type a few minutes to see what it is that i have to say but i need to get it out
Me: ok
Ex: in me praying over alot of things in my life. In my flesh i dont want to be married to you any more. I feel it over and I am cool with that. I would just asume to go on with my life. As you know A and i have been seeing each other for awhile.. off and on…. I really like her… But as the both of us have been praying. My sprirt still tells me that i have to be devote to you. God doesnt like deviores… I dont eigther.. i dont like what it is doing to “our famliy”… I dont want my heart to be harded to the fact that could not work a miracle here……: and in my flesh i wish he wouldnt…. but i dont want to be led by my flesh…… i would rather the spirt… so my question to you is…. do we try and work things out?
Me: all of our stuff cant be repaired by a word or one evening talking
Ex: yeah i know……but not just repaired…. that can be done with a freindship… but restored, as in our maraige
Me:, you have not been a kind or a help to me since we have been apart
Ex: honestly in my flesh i dont want it… I’m cool with be a freind to you.
Me: you do it shortly, then you turn . I dont have trust in you being sincere anymore do u understand?
Ex: hey thats fine….. it is not just me….
Me: Your asking me Im answering
Ex: I’m not here to point blame…….
Me: but Im telling you
Ex: we have a week before it finale, you arnt the prefect little angle
Me: I didnt say that, But Ive had to raise this kids, and a lot of stress piled on me when a father doesnt help support: how do u expect me to feel about you?
Ex: Listen we have both had our stress…… it’s about forgivness that’s all i’ll say
Me: dont repeat the same ole stuff you used to say, turning from actions is what the key is
Ex: i would rather just be with A
Me: he who doesnt take care of his children is worse then an infidel: do u know that one?
Ex: lol…..
Me: Your quoting verses because of the old pastor of ours you stayed with last night, this isnt from u
Ex: taking care of the kids only means money? No i’m not
Me: cmon
Ex: yeah this is me
Me: We are to be wise, change is reflected by actions, Ive told u this over and over, and it stays consistant, not up and down
Ex: ….how do you know i’m up and down?
Me: From your behavior, your calls, your emails, the way you treat me
Ex: you dont know you dont know what been going on in my life, yeah and you have been the sweetest thing to get along with
Me: Im firm with you. I dont put up with the BS
Ex: ok you call it that i call it you be a witch…….. yeah and i put up with yours
Me: , ugh: see what I mean?
Ex: no you always thing that it is always me…..
Me: the point is the children, forget me
Ex: it’s always been my fault…everything
Me: youve neglected your childrens needs, that says a lot ot me
Ex: I have?
Me: if I even have to explain that this is pointless
Ex: you said that you wanted a goddly man… you wanted a spertation because i was not spitual….
Me: Im talking about the kids, we are apart, you want me to see you as something I would want?Tell me why?
Ex: Ok then was the last time you took them to chuch?
Me: what is it about you that I would want?
Ex: I really hope that there is nothing… that is my point
Me: IVE BEEN MAKING IT ON $8.25 and hour , raising 2 kids, You see them for VISITS I do it all and you know it
Ex: but i would not let my heart get to the point that he could not work something out
Me: if your heart was so wanting this, you would have been showing it: making sure you were obeying the law, paying support, medical, taking care of the boys needs, not leaving it to othersMy parents, family, friends and employers, who do u think is doing it all ?
Ex: i asked you a question… just yes or no?
Me: Ask yourself ,you know what you have been to me and the kids your answer is right there
Ex: God has helped you where i have failed ,: that fine….. thank you but when was the last time you took the boys to church……..it’s not all about money cause your getting that all paid back to you
Me: Im not going thru that whole church speel with you, whats your point?
Ex: and more , you said no and that that………… you answered my prays
Me: I want to be able to get along better with you, as parents of the boys. I care about you.
Ex: Well that’s fine… I care about you too
Me: we have too much between us its tough you know? yes we have good stuff, but we have a lot of bad too, it gets in the way
Ex: but i love A, i’m sorry that i havnt been the supporting Dad, what does that mean
Me: hmm?
Ex: all i can do is ask you to forgive ? thats it ,after that it’s all on you….
Me: we can forgive but we also have to be wise and not foolish in how we trust people. They show us their repentence by the way they act and treat us
Ex: Your right just like your on line diary……we were both wrong in a lot of things…..
Me: Im referring to parenting our children nothing more, thats what matters now thats what I look at in you, do you understand?
Ex: Well then you should be very thankfull that A is in my life…..: She is a very good mother…. not that she would try and take your place but see that i would be an even bettter father to the boys .Yes?
Me: What are you doing?
Ex: being honest
Me: if her job is making you a better dad, she needs to be fired… Do you hear how ridiculous you sound???
Ex: well i dont think so
Me: I dont have to say another man is what makes me a good mom or person, or throw out peoples names at you
Ex: it’s about the flesh and the spirt…….
Me: I have never done that, you have no concept of what your preaching
Ex: I know you havnt , well it has made sence to a number of people
Me: So grow up and stop playing grade school games Fuck off Seriously, and tell everyone I said FUCK OFF
Ex: Ok
Me: and they can pray for me, cause Im such a bad mom , and person, for kicking your ass out
Ex: I never said that
Me: I dont live in debt, anymore cause of your dumb bills. I dont have to fight off sex all the time, I dont have to be preached at by a hypocrite day after day. The evidence is there. DENY IT ALL YOU WANT and say your a great person
Ex: I never said i was a great person
Me: Well then quit your A Bragging shes a bitch, I dont like her,I dont like you So? whats the point. Why are you contacting me, telling me bullshit, I love her, but the flesh is weak. Im praying for you, what the hell?
Ex: I’m not perfect i know i have a lot to change…………
Me: So keep your business yours, dont throw it at me: its very rude, I dont need to hear abotu A
Ex: i’m sorry i didnt mean to be rude…. was just trying to say that A is always on my tail to keep things up with you
Me: Well she shouldnt have to
Ex: even when i couldnt do it, I know
Me: But if she wants to be that, well lucky her, I did that it got OLD
Ex: All she did and was just trying to help you and you called her a bitch for that
Me: No I said shes a bitch, and I dont like you remember?
Ex: so what makes her a bitch for helping you
Me: I dont need her help?? shes helping ME?What the?
Ex: she never did anything worng by you I’m sorry that i brought her name up now
Me: I dont ask about her you do, do you even have any consideration? NO I guess noit, neither does she, your perfect for eachother
Ex: just like you and her husband online… was he good?
Me: LOL,??? I guess not since I have no memory of anything
Ex: You know …. I not going any futher then the mariage is over… let just drop thing here and move on.
Me: Ok well be considerate ok? think
Ex: hmmmm?: i dont understand
Me: Be considerate of what you say to me, we have a history, dont rub things in my face, thats cruel and I dont do that to you
Ex: I dint mean to and i’m sorry
Me: this is the same crap you said to me about whats her name?its like cmon
Ex: but please dont think of A as a bitch she never did anything to you
Me: I love her, but I will stay with you crap, thats not Godly talking. A knows how I feel, I told her
Ex: ahhhh…. I just dont want to be out of the will of God
Me: HAHA, well if you really believed that to the core, you wouldnt even be dating her until u were divorced so???
Ex: where not
Me: you know what I mean
Ex: where just freinds….
Me: A minute ago your saying shes a good mom to the boys, and now your just friends?
Ex: And where both praying that gods wiill will be done
Me: umm ok
Ex: NO I DIDNT SAY THAT
Me: If A has any sense as a MOTHER she wouldnt want anything to do with you
Ex: i said she was helpping me to be a better father to them… and a better soon to be ex-husband
Me: she knows, she agreed, she says one thing to me but does the opposite, shes no different then you are
Ex: if she know that then why is she still talking to me
Me: cause shes a good Mom? like u said?
Ex: so you talk to her a lot huh?
Me:she knows, she agrees with me
Ex: She would never take your place
Me: a good Mom doesnt want a man who doesnt support his kids
Ex: so when was the last time she agreed with you
Me: ask her about that one, a good mom doesnt want that around her children
Ex: so what about the back support????: do you not want that so you then you could really call me a dead beat dad?
Me: You are, its over $12,000 in support, and then theres the kids medical
Ex: you do not know what has been going on the last 9 monthes
Me: So fucking what? your elimanated from supporting them ?
Ex: Yeah i know it’s over 12000
Me: A father that cares does what it takes, and doesnt leave it to others, do u agree or not? and meanwhile your seeing her during all that?ohh yeah great Mom
Ex: Yeah but not to get in a law siute over it
Me: you only have to be $3000 or so behind, and they can take your license, jail time, did you know that? once things are turned over to the district attorney
Ex: Yeah i know.. so whats stoping you , then do it
Me: Im telling you the severity, and you dont get it, deny it and shift the topic, this is WHY I cant be with you do you see?
Ex: the whole thing with Past Job is a big deal……
Me: I dont care about your past Job
Ex: I could not get work casue of them
Me: its the kids
Ex: It was in my contract
Me: and I dont give a shit whats the deal with Old Job, its 2 kids, tell them its the old jobs Fault ok? tell everyone that
Ex: I will when i get the setttlemant , because i couldnt work
Me: save it for those who will listen, I spent a long time with you ,dont pull BS with me, your the King of Excuses
Ex: the fedral goverment has listen
Me: I dont care , hello???
Ex: Goodnight , i’ll sign the paper tomorrow
Me: ok hey
Ex: nite what?
Me: I know its been an eventful nite, I think we have a lot of unresolved crap. And its tough cause its all there and not been resolved. just work together for the kids: they were in a awesome mood after the music thing, seeing us both and it going well ok?
Ex: that’s good… lets just keep going that way
Me: k nite