Discipline and Kids

Dear Diary,

Morning. I swear, I have cool neighbors, BUT their DOG! Ugh, Saturday and Sunday morning, the thing will frickin yap its head off by their back door which is across from my bedroom window. I was so mad, getting woke up on a day to sleep in. They must leave or something and leave it chained out back, not sure, but its a small yippy dog and it freaks out if they leave it out there alone and its not getting attention.

So Im awake!

So yesterday my plan was after work, drive home, help mom load up to big heavy things ex wanted, then go to the gym where I wanted to talk to my buddy about some law questions. I even emailed him since he hadnt been in the gym, he was on jury duty and would be in Fri he said.

So as Im driving home my cell phone rings, its the school. And they tell me I have to come pick up my oldest from the after school program that he has kicked another child, was told to stop and went back over and did it again. Now keep in mind this is my oldest who doesnt really act out impulsively physically or any of that, so I was shocked, and asked what happened, they didnt know. And I asked if this was in playing or a fight and he was angry? They said they didnt know. I told them it was their Fathers day to pick them up but he was commuting and not in town at this time so Id come get him.

So I meet mom real fast, load the pipes and tell her I gotta go to the school, she was really concerned about oldest also since hes a very sweet one. So I drove to the school, he said “Mom, am I in big trouble” all serious faced and looking on the verge of tears. The girl told me what happened and stated right off “Ive always had him in my class, and hes always very good, this is a first time thing with him, but I had to report it and they said he had to leave since we dont tolerate that behavior” I said I understood and also asked for a copy of the report to keep for my personal records. Since in the past it was my oldest acting up in class or school the fridays he was to leave with his Dad, but havent seen him do this in awhile, and this was his first week back in school after being off for a month.

They also had my child fill out a sheet of questions which was new, asking him things like “In the past 30 days how many times have you wanted to go to school? How often do your parents talk to you about school and homework?” and 2 others and he had multiple choice answers. Which I think was cool they are trying to get more feedback and see what is going on with the child.

So on the drive home I said “Ok, tell me what happened” It turned out to be his friend he kicked. A classmate and playmate that he hangs out with. So I guess this girl in the class gave him a shell(my son) and its kinda cool looking, so after school his buddy wanted to see it and my son said no and the boy kept bugging him and trying to get it. So that was when my son kicked him. My son was seen doing that and taken aside and told to knock it off. Well the buddy pulled his hood over his own face and my son said he was teasing and taunting him through his jacket, but nobody could see him since he covered his face, so my son got up and hit the kid on the head.

Now Im not condoning him hitting the kid, but I told my son the other boy behaved wrong also, but that it could have turned out different if my son would have moved away or just told a teacher, then the other kid would have been in trouble and not him.

So when we got home, I told him he had to go write a letter to his friend apologizing. We also sat on the couch and had a brief talk, I said I dont want him hurting people, that we only hurt people in what situations? Ive told my kids they can be physical if someone is trying to kidnap them, hurt them and theres nothing more to do, no one to get help from, etc, but if there are others to assist to get help.

So he began to cry, he feels remoresful, and we just hugged and I told him I want him to grow up to be a nice young man and a good person.

So he had to go clean his room, make his bed, and I had him vacuum. He did everything as asked and no fighting or arguing. Just so different then my younger child, this one gets he was wrong and takes the responsibility.

Im quite proud of him to be honest.

So I then got the kids things packed up, drove my oldest to my Moms (where ex picks up their overnite bags) Ex said he was getting off work early on fridays, 3:30 to commute back and get the kids by 6. Well he called around 5:20, he hadnt even left the area yet, said he got paid, but couldnt leave early since they didnt have paychecks out yet, so his Aunt was picking up the children and they were waiting with her until he got into town.

His aunt came over, who was the go between during all my ex’s screwy game playing pickups awhile back, and she has witnessed my ex’s blow ups. Kids were super sweet, they wanted to keep hugging and kissing me goodbye, which I rarely encounter, but someone else was taking them so instead they were leaving me as opposed to me taking them to be dropped off.

So after the Aunt left my mom said “ohh yeah, this visitation schedule isnt going to work”

I hung out with mom and talked for awhile. Then went to In N Out for dinner, then headed to the gym late. It started raining also and my hair was all frizzy. But the gym was dead, which was cool cause I felt I looked like crap (yeah I know its the gym but I still like to look decent) Well its just a few of us, mainly women, and next thing you know this BUS LOAD of baseball players is dropped off at the gym from an outside city. And the gym is packed with strangers/ out of towners, and it was just weird LOL. A mob of guys, and a few of us girls, and forget getting any weight equipment! I just did a brief cardio and ab work then left. Went shopping at Target, was out of dog food.

I found these shorts, in the work out clothes, either things are too short or too long for my liking, and these were just perfect! I just wish they had black, but only one left and it was a XL and I needed a medium.

So I bought white and gray, and 2 tshirts.

I got home around 9pm. B hadnt called, actually didnt say much other then one email first thing that AM from work. So I was kinda sad. And he wasnt home yet or online and no call. So I tried calling him near 10pm. Left a message. He called about 10 min later, turned out he went home early, felt the chills, and his throat was bugging him, and was asleep since 4. Aweeee, damn his weekend in Vegas just tore him up. He came back a wreck, felt good for about a day, when to his ju jitsu class, and was sick again the next day.

So we talked on the phone until a little after midnight. Got into some debate type convos, and it started a little disagreement, Im sitting here telling him about D’s hair straightening and how it sounded cool and I wondered about it. And he interrupted me, and griped how women spend all this money on this stuff and why? What is it for? And hes like women say they do it for their man, but men really dont care(Which I find BS, but anways) Maybe they dont urge or think its important, but cmon what guy doenst want a woman who looks good?

So he basically said women do it to one up on other women.

And I was just talking about the hair thing and he took it off on this talk and Im like Oh and why do you work out, want nice arms, get tattoos and piercings, why do you buy nice clothes, etc etc. And he went on his clinical I know it all answers to it all.

We just veered off into men/women things and he was just so “I AM RIGHT” on his take of things and I was challanging them and then asking if he feels that way about me with things he was saying, then hes all “Victoria, why do you always turn things back on YOU, I wasnt talking about you” Im like “B, Im sitting here telling u about something and you veer off into a speech on why women do what they do, you cut me off, you began to address women as a whole, so Im asking you “Do u feel Im the same way, do you think I am what you are saying?” and then said “Look remember, we had this talk the other day, we each see things from a different perspective, it doesnt make either of us wrong, but I ask you for clarification, I dont assume, I ASK, and you cant get mad at me for asking and wanting clarification.” And walllaaa it was done! The topic was over.

I was sitting there thinking about the challange with B, how he doesnt just agree with me on things, and how Im not learning to speak my mind and not just accept his words as the END ALL. Which feels good I must say. And I think its important and brings good discussions between people. Instead of me cowering afraid to speak my mind.

I turned on my ocean waves on my radio and was asleep right away, ahhhh! Until the dang dog woke me up early!

So B is up now, my kids called me this AM, dad is taking them for a haircut(he got his paycheck and kids must have told him I was gonna take them) So they called to ask me what kinda cut, I just said “Dont shave your heads” I plan to get photos done soon of us, and want them looking nice, not like little devils.

So we shall see what they come home with.

B and I had a good talk about my youngest and the behavior and lying problem, about solutions and things to try. He was basically saying my little one wants “instant gratification” which is true, he operates on that thought, but said he needs to learn as great as that is, it can mess you up in life. B was saying as an example. Sure you see a woman with a nice chest walking down the street, the first thought is “I wanna touch them” So if I just walked over there, squeezed them ,yeah it would feel good” And then went on to say BUT “She may be offended, hit me, call the police, I can go to jail, etc etc” And yeah its a diff example but covers the basic idea of acting and not thinking about the reprecussions of behavior.

And he said “Victoria, and I know your ex is like that so he doesnt help much” and we discussed the month the kids being out of whack with no school and being with their Dad for 2 weeks. So just gotta get things back into shape and really be hard nosed on him discipline wise. I might even clean all his toys out this weekend (if Im up to it) His rooms got too much stuff and I even suggested taking all his toys OUT and making him earn them each day by good behavior. Since Ive tried taking a toy, the corner, spanking, sitting in his room. And then it gets hard with his schedule interrrupted. I couldnt do much about what he did thurs to discipline since it was bedtime and school then leaving to see his Dad.

So we shall see.

Wish me luck, hes only 7, and it just gets worse as they get older, I need to really get to work on this with him NOW. The talking back, the lying, the getting angry at me and throwing an attitude when he is wrong and in trouble.

oh and lastly, got my period this AM, bleh, Couldnt it have waited till Mon! B is to come out tonight! Grrr, there goes Victorias Secret shopping today!

Sighhh, ah well, Im not pregnant right! haha

Later