Am I Being Whiney?

Dear Diary,

I wish I had the paper my counselor gave me right now. I havent really had a moment where I thought of using it. But its a bunch of questions to go through when you panic. I wouldnt say Im in a total PANIC, but its my thought process. So Ill have to wait till later on to use it and answer all the questions.

I guess its over B’s weekend.

He leaves for Vegas this weekend. And when we were together on last friday, I found out from my ex I may have that weekend free and mentioned it to B. He said “Well you know I wont be here that weekend” I said “Yeah I know” I mean I knew he had his Vegas trip. So? I can survive a weekend without him.

Then when we were out to dinner on that Friday night he started to talk about how he didnt think I could handle his idea of fun in Vegas and this trip blah blah blah. I said “Listen, I didnt ask to go” And hes all “Good, I wouldnt want you to go to be honest” and there was some other things said where I just up and told him to “STOP”

I didnt ask to go along! Ive not mentioned it! He invited me first, I couldnt go, Done? Right? Ive never said another word about it since.

So yesterday I asked him via email when he was leaving. He said he will probably take work off friday and leave in the AM. So he went into work, we are emailing back and forth, He was at work until about 7:30pm. We both were too tired to drive out to see eachother we said. I went to the gym and grocery store, he said hed call me when he got in. So I got home from the store and there was a message from him. Just said Hiya, call me. So he tells me stopped at the store on the way home, and went clothes shopping.

I laughed and told him how cute he is. Hes been into clothes shopping lately. This is a new thing Ive seen with him. Since with this job he has to wear dress shirts, nice pants, and ties half the time. So hes been clothes shopping several times in the past few weeks. Which is cool, so he tells me he went again last night, goes on to tell me he has his “Vegas” attire now. How he bought a tie, and pants, and all this get up. I wanted to say “Hmmmm and all this to hang out with your guy pal?” I mean I dont think theres anything fishy going on. But its just I guess the past, with him, and perhaps its because he has money now. Hes renting a car, paying for a hotel room thats over $100 a night cause he couldnt get the hotel free rooms from the part time job. Hes clothes shopping. Hes bought tickets to a concert. And he just keeps talking about how much fun its gonna be. And well IT SUCKS!

It sucks because Ive never ever seen him pour this kind of effort into anything before. And especially an outing with me. And then I feel this is my own insecurities, jealousies, envy talking.

He keeps talking about it, talking about the clothes, and I was getting annoyed last night but didnt say anything. I mean go have your trip, have fun babe. But its getting to the point where each thing he tells me stabs at me.


So I dont know, Just makes me sad, makes me want to get back at him, makes me want to plan things away and not invite him. Just to make him feel what Im feeling.

Do I sound immature here? If so tell me so. Because I feel I partly am being silly about this. And I guess the other part of me feels I deserve this same type of time and attention for US.

I have no idea if Ex will keep the kids for Sat/Sun yet. If so, I tell myself to take off, go to San Diego or something, we shall see. I dont really want to hang with any guys I know other then Music Dude, but I dont know if he really wants to as long as Im with B. Who knows.

Ok so, my kids left yesterday afternoon to go back with their Dad. I had some of his stuff ready for him to take at my Moms. I should have the rest for him by the day he drops the kids off, He wants a set of doors, so I can just prop those up alongside the house outside and he can come and get them without bugging me or having to see me. Just come by and get them.

Ex told my Mom hes put out 40 resumes and is baffled why he isnt getting many calls, He did get 3, he went to one and said he never heard back from them, then today he has one in B’s town ( ewww GOD NO!) Him working in the area, YUCK!

He said he even called his old boss ( the one he stole from) Here in town and the guy never called him back either. I spoke to the old boss and he said he wanted nothing to do with my ex. That he stole from him, and he didnt see any repentence on my ex’s part ( hes a christian man )

So last night I was online and the ex messaged me. Here is the convo…

Ex: Hey what’s going on with my stuff?

Me: whatcha mean?

Ex: are you planing on just flitting through your Mom. filtering sorry

Me: whatever I can leave there I will. I just got that stuff together for ya

Ex: I thing I am going to just call the sherifs department and

come over and get it all. i dont know why i can just get my stuff

Me: I gotta go

Ex: i’m not looking to make any trouble with you. hello?i promise i dont want any trouble…..

Me: well then dont worry about it

Ex: i just want my stuff

Me: youll get it ok?

Ex: dont worrie about you can be so frustrating….ahhhhh……. so hey you want to go out sometime…….LOL

Me: Ummm HA

Ex: LOL it was a joke

I logged off at that point. After all my domestic violence counseling, The end and the ex’s getting their “Stuff” is a big issue. It isnt that he wants the STUFF, its he wants to come OVER TO THE HOUSE TO BE AROUND ME!

He could have taken this left over junk when he came over a year ago before moving. He even intentionally left some items I had ready and sitting by the front of the garage for him ( childhood items and things from his Dad) And Im getting him the stuff in the garage. Hes only asked about a few things by name ( a set of doors and light fixtures)?? And I have no prob with those things, Im packing UP every little piece of crap in the cupboards for him. My mom said he was even shocked, I know he doesnt want all that junk but he can be the one to sift through it and dispose of things, not me. So here I go and pack up stuff and have it ready and waiting at my moms when he gets the kids. I mean seriously? What is his issue? He wants to come to the HOUSE! Plain and simple.

And I dont want to deal with him in any form, not even with a sherriff if possible. This way there is no face to face with him. Ive dealt with him enough, he wants to see me, and If I allow him in the garage who knows what stuff he will start pointing at that is mine and saying crap, blah blah blah, and I dont want to hear it.

Also Mr Comedy messaged me all night saying “UMMMM HI???? Are we not talking again? What happened to the Victoria I know who used to iniatiate fun conversations?” And all this garbage. I said I was busy and didnt have much to say. And he was then criticizing B when I told him about our weekend. I mean theres a place where friends or people can say “I dont like him” Or what have you, but he went on and on “I dont think he realizes how valuable you are or what he has” and then I told him about a conflict we worked thru and he just went off and told me B is gonna do this and that next, etc etc. I told him Shhh. I didnt ask his opionion.

I swear, I feel like Im gonna go off on him one day. Hes so frickin needy and has no life and is home all the damn time waiting for others to give him a life. Yet he acts like hes so important.

So anyways, I needed to get a lot of that out. I keep telling myself B loves me, he calls me each day now. He says I love you and writes me cute emails, we talk on the phone before bed, we see eachother more now. Hes been driving out around once a week on a work nite to see me.

So those are all good things, and he wants to share with me all about his trip? Hes excited I know, hes gonna see his fave band in concert and he cant wait to play Craps.

I might drive up and stay the night at his place after class, we shall see. but Most likely I will..


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