Ahhh Feel GOOOD!

Dear Diary,


OHHHHHHH, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW.


Im home from my facial and facial massage. Omgosh it was so relaxing. You know I think it relaxes me better then a body massage? I didnt fall asleep this time, but I could have, I was to the point where my body was starting to twitch like I was dozing off.


I had a different person this time, have no idea if the girl who did it last still works there. And I had it done like a year ago anyways.


They dipped my hands in the paraffin and put the gloves on me, then I laid on the table, she put the steam blower on my face as I laid there, scrubbed my face, did an alpha hydroxy thing, and all this other stuff, Ohh then the facial massage! She didnt do the eyebrow thing the other girl did that I liked but she did this thing along the side of my nose, just made your sinuses feel so clear and open. oh it was good! And I got a neck, shoulder, arm and hand massage.


But the icky part? Im guessing getting acne. Last time I went the girl didnt do this at all. Said I didnt need it, which I found odd. So that part I didnt like it when she did my nose, ooooowwiee. She also noticed Im breaking out on the neck right by my ears. Which I have noticed too and wonder why I break out there, she said “I see your having break outs right there, that is usually related to stress” So I said “Well that explains it!”


I also picked up a few products and want to make more regular facial appointments. Its just I dont normally have money to spend on such things, or else Id go to a spa all the time! So I picked up a moisturizer, eye cream and exfoliant. But she had like 5 other items she wanted me to get. Which would have cost me several hundred dollars ( no thank you) and some stuff I just dont need. I dont use toners, tried them before the make me break out, so I find it weird when some tell me to use it. And Ive read enough on toners and my skin type to skip them. And I didnt need the SPF cream I use foundation with that in it. And a few other things I just didnt really need 7 diff products to use on my face you know???? I need cleanser and moisturizer most of all, but I really wanted an eye cream.


So I walked out all feel la la la la la. So relaxed even though I had no makeup on lol and my face was a little red where the acne was, and my face was shiney. haha


It feels sooo nice to pamper yourself! There was this guy behind me paying and they were telling him he needed to get his wife in there, and he said she wont, shes too self conscious! It was just funny the husband goes and not the wife!


So Music Dude and I talked today. He sent me an email late last night that just said “Help me, I cant sleep” haha. Poor guy. Anyways, he and the girlfriend had it out last night. He told her she needs to move out if shes gonna be mean and distant with him. Told her she had a week, hes getting tired of this and she said she loves him but isnt sure hes the man for her (Due to his panic attacks, emotional health, she said his physical health, and that hes so grounded in LA, she wants to leave the area) So who knows what will happen.


He said ” I found myself thinking of you last night as a happy retreat”


And when he says that stuff I freak inside. Its like whats so wrong with him Victoria? We talked about what happened with us. I had B, I was scared to let him go, he said he could fall for me easily and got scared too, so we just parted ways, I mean we have always talked but no more hanging out in person. And we just stopped. I got scared, scared of the idea of starting over, overwhelmed? Intimadated? Just so many things.


Here is a guy who is older, more kick back and relaxed, works, is a father and doesnt have a prob with kids. Wants to be married one day, wants to find someone to settle down and be happy with.


Why the hell am I scared of him?


I think the sex stuff too scared me, I went through this with my ex, its scary for me to be intimate with a new partner. I feel so connected to who Im with and I like that comfort level, that vulnerability, how B and I know one anothers bodies, its comfortable.


I worry about shit like that too much, but Im just being realistic. I feel like if I break up with B, date others and have a moment of sexual intimacy I will think of B and miss him like hell.


Anyways


So Im gonna try to finish up some painting tonight, kids come home tomorrow after a week with Daddy.


Oh and Boss said we can have my college class out, we will wait a few more weeks, and I did write teach, asked him if hed like a tour, he said Yes. 🙂


And I invited a girlfriend of mine who I always have fun out with to the Oscar Party. I just dont know what to do about B. I already invited him, but I really would rather he not go. And my Girlfriend isnt too fond of him either. She and I together are funny and silly, and I just dont see how B will fit with us?


What do I do????????

Im sorta hoping he forgets since hes so slack at plans made and following thru unless I remind him. Sigh, anyone have any thoughts or suggestions?

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