Panic/Anziety & Other Stuff

Dear Diary,

Good Morning.

Well I have therapy today at 2. Im anxious to talk about this panic/anxiety issue since its new to me. And I wasnt aware of it until after our last session.

Kids go see Dad tonight and I have my second night of my class which Im looking forward to.

My little one told me his Dad took them 4 wheeling and he was scared and asked him to stop taking him up steep cliffs, he was afraid theyd fall off and that my ex wouldnt stop. I didnt know what to say, all I could respond with was “Daddy used to do that to Mommy too and I didnt like it either” I havent had to be around this for 2 yrs now, and back when we were together my little one hated when my ex took off down dirt roads really fast, he would sit frozen and keep asking him to stop and say he was scared. So Im going to have to address this in some form with my ex. He doesnt listen when people are upset, frustrated or scared, he did this to me all during the marriage, and driving was one of the areas it happened in.

I was at the gym yesterday and on my way out I noticed some flyers on the counter, I always stop to read, and next thing I see is a Business advertisement for my girlfriend D! I havent spoken to her in about 2 weeks? Last I heard is her ex was dragging her back in to court to counteract her restraining order with his.

So I left the gym, then thought hmmm, Last time I called her ex answered. I had a feeling she had to move out. So I grabbed a business card and saw it had a new number. So I dialed it. She answered all shocked and wondering how I got the new number. I said “At the gym” She laughed and said Oh Wow! I just put that there today, your my first call. She tutors, and does homeschooling workshops so she is trying to pick up some business.

Her husband got a restraining order on her, she had to leave the house, and she can see her kids now for a weekend every other week. EEEKS! She is living in town with her sister, but has no money, she said they have a court date thurs but that the judge is so sick and tired of the two of them.

Its like neither of them have filed for divorce or legal separation. He holds all the money, shes locked out from it but he is wealthy, shes got nothing. She homeschooled the children and now cant even go there or see them. They are just back and forth in court trying to get eachother thrown out of the house. I think she blew it when she had the guy over( the guy shes in love with outside the marriage) I think thats why the judge ousted her. Just not a smart move to have a restraining order placed on your hubby, when he has one on your lover to be away from the kids, then to have the lover over to the house with the kids there, while your husband is ousted. Its just crazy, the two of them are acting stupid. And I guess her husband was granted a restraining order against her, but he hasnt served it, so I guess she has to wait soo many days to see if he does it? Ugh, yuck. I really hope she gets her act together for the sake of the kids.

Well B said yesterday hes going back on his high protein diet. He tried it about a month ago or so but I notice he slacked. He is putting on weight, constantly calls himself fat, does not accept compliments well that I find him attractive. Yes last I knew he has put on 30 pds, he had to buy new clothes because he couldnt fit into them, and now he is saying his new clothes are too tight. He keeps griping to me about it so I wrote him an email asking what he wants from me? Encouragement and in what form? Or does he just want me to listen to him vent. He said he wanted both, but he didnt know what to ask for? Soo I mean what can I say or do? Hes totally avoiding the gym, saying its too far to drive and that he doesnt have his partner anymore. Ive asked him a couple times to go with me, the last time he replied with “Gym whats that?” in a sarcastic tone.

I dont really know why hes going downhill on this. And I can just love him and all, I dont love him for his weight, but I can see how much it is affecting HIM. And of course well all appreciate when our partners look nice. B was working out hardcore, very muscular, and very confident, and wearing tight shirts and things, and he really was looking awesome. Now hes in baggy shirts.

Weight is an issue thats been a part of his past, and Im not sure what is behind it all for him.

Well onto other topics. Mr Comedy. I have come to the realization that hes just annoying. I guess rekindling the friendship this time has given me a better look at him. Its hard to just be friends with him. Hes very whiney. He whines on my voice mail if I dont answer the phone. He whines that we dont talk a lot. He whines that I cancelled our tv night.

I dont mind talking to him, hanging out now and then, but its like we have to be best buddies now?

And I really do not get what his living situation is. He is constantly looking for work. Hes been unemployed for YEARS, well he says hes doing ads now and then on the side. But the guy has nothing but time on his hands. And he has the money to live this way. He owned a condo or something years back and had to sell it so hes said hes living off that money. Its just strange, its like he says he wants a job yet why cant he get one? And hes constantly talking about his roomate, and celebrity name dropping, or his comedian buddy, etc etc. I dont even make a big deal when I hear him mention celebs. I just say Oh cool. He acts like hes all IN with people and places.

Music Dude and I still talk also, but hes cool and always has been. 🙂 Hes been having a rough time though, hes been skiing a lot which Im glad hes doing something he enjoys, but this last weekend he went to Mammoth and said he panic attacks while there. 🙁 He keeps saying its the job that is stressing him out.

He works in the night club business and I knew he has probs with panic/anxiety, and world issues get to him. So I asked him “Have all the night club deaths freaked you out and the fire?” hes all “Totally”

He said he was driving thru my area after skiing this past weekend and thinking of me a lot and said How Rad I am. 🙂 He and I have resumed our friendship just like its always been. I love that guy. Things were weird for a brief period. But they are good now.

Well Im gonna scoot for now, Later!