Seeing your Child become his Dad

Dear Diary,

This just popped into my mind. Maybe some other parents or someone may have some advice or suggestions.

My youngest son is 6. I split up with my ex when he was 4. I really didnt want these children to be around his behavior any longer. Granted they still have visitations. But I am the primary parent. Ex is the Disneyland Dad. And isnt too involved in their lives.

Ever since he was a tiny thing hes been a daredevil. He doesnt have much fear to try new things, he has a thrill seeker quality which is exactly like his father.

My mother has said “You are always going to have to be on guard with that one”

And its true.

My mom and my sister both notice the resemblances between him and his father. He WALKS like him, he also makes the same facial expressions as his Dad. Its just so bizarre when you look at your child and see his Dad so clearly.

But the one aspect is the manipulation and lying behavior of my little one.

My Ex was diagnosed ADHD as a small child. My little one is a good student and is doing well academically. He is very bright, Hes into science, he picks out adult books in the library. He just loves looking at how things work, facts. He will bring home books on weather, car makes and models, how things work, identifying insects. So I dont see the ADHD. My little one is high energy but he just seems to have a mind the craves stimulation and he just eats up information and he loves to talk.

But its the lying thing. I know kids lie. I just dont know what to do with him over it. He will boldly lie about something even if Ive caught him, or Ive been in the middle of both my boys and not knowing who wronged who or who broke or did what. And questioning them both, Them both saying the other did it. So ive used the “You will both be in trouble” approach till one comes forward. My oldest will just cry and say “But mom hes lying I didnt do it!” But my little one will sit there and say NO I DIDNT! So what can I do???

Well yesterday morning as I was leaving for work, my little one didnt grab his bag of toys he wanted to take to Gmas. Gma has oodles of toys, and I was in a hurry, so I told him we could not go back in I was running late. He proceeded to get angy and do his pout and arms crossed deal in the backseat. Well my oldest informs me that my little one made a fist and held it up at me from behind the seat. I pulled over right away and asked him if he did this. He denied it. I said “So your brother just made that up?” Hes all YEAH. I know my oldest didnt. And I have to make every attempt in my home to do with away with abusive behavior. I have to stop the pattern as best as I can while they are young so they dont grow up to be like their father. I questioned him, he cried and still would not admit. Then he said “I just put my hand up I wasnt doing anything!” Which I knew was another lie.

Im frustrated. This isnt the first time I deal with this lying from him, but he seems to not have any problem creating stories. And hes been doing this for as long as I can remember yet I cant seem to get through?

WHen he was 4 he came to my bed one morning and said “Mommy, the robbers came in and took the candy out of your purse!” I sat their stunned for a minute, because he just gave himself away. I said “No they didnt” He looked at me in shock. I said “YOU DID” And he was busted because he tried creating an alibi but his alibi busted him.

I really do believe there is something mentally wrong with my ex. His appears to have no conscience in many ways. He is a User, manipulator, con man.

I just want to try and do my best to undo anything I can in my little one, its just scary when you see your child so young becoming his father. He also idolizies his daddy. When my ex was yelling at me saying I was fucking men in the house in front of the children in an angry rage during a child pickup. The kids both witnessed this. It was probably the worst thing they did witness as far as the abuse. And my mother was also present. And I cried and hid in the back room, my mom got my ex outside, my oldest sat on the couch sobbing. But my little one? He ran around his father happy as it all was occurring and said “Daddy, can we go yet! Cmon Daddy! Daddy!”

Anyone know of any good books or have any feedback?