Breakdown at Work

Dear Diary,


Just got in from taking my little one to the childrens group and the Outreach center. Each of the kids will get to go to the very last kids group put on by my therapist. 🙁


But Im glad they at least get to go one last time!


I called her today and Im going in to see her Friday at 2:30. Ill have to leave work a little early but its worth it missing a little pay since its free anyways! I want to go!


Well my sister called my work today as my “Accountant” and inquired about why i wasnt set up yet to get the earned income credit throughout the year as we turned in all the paperwork months ago. I was just too tired to question or pursue it. So she said shed call and handle it.


The secretary messaged me after my sister called and said “Why didnt you tell me you werent getting the credit!” I immediatly burst into tears. Told her I had, but didnt hear anymore, and then figured something was done wrong, etc etc so I just dropped it. My life is hectic enough, I told her Im frustrated, not getting support, Im on Meltdown” And I just sat there at my computer and started to cry. I couldnt stop. I could feel it was a moment I needed to let happen. I really needed to sob but I was at work. So I got up, shut my office door and just cried at my desk with my head down against it.


Im tired! Im worn out! I need to just get away from this!


Well shortly later, things are all straightened out, and since I didnt get the credit all year, theres only 3 more pay periods so I got to pick the amount to get! $500 extra will come with each paycheck!!!! And then still a chunk come January and my sister said we will file right away.


Thank GOD! I dont get paid until next week the 27th. I cant wait! I may have money for CHristmas after all!


My sister is wonderful, 🙂


I called Mom to tell her my good news and all that my sister did. Then I got a harsh reality of my Moms way of thinking that my sister finds so hurtful, I dont experience it so much, but its part of why my sister is in therapy because of how my Mom was with her and why she is going through redifining the relationship between her and mom. So I told my Mom what my sister did today. She replied “We are getting good use out of all that money spent on her college, we got something out of it, she does all our taxes too and that would cost us big bucks” I just sat there. My sister did this out of her heart. And it was as if my mom was taking it away from my sister and patting herself on the back for her going to college and its what she owes us for it. My sister comments about mom like this “Mom says things that are cruel and hurtful, I dont think she does it intentionally but she is so focused on herself she does things like that and doesnt think of others” My sister said she gets the annual call from my parents to do their taxes, and she has to do alot since they have their own business and lots of money tied up in things. My sister is also the executor for their estate, etc etc. My siblings all are hurt that mom and dad dont really have “Relationships” with them, they call them when they need something, not just to say Hello, they dont just come to visit because they miss you or want to see you. Its more of they want something or its a holiday thing your SUPPOSED to do.


My mind was mush all day at work. Bleh.


When I got home today there was a message from my girlfriend in San Diego on the machine! I called her a few weeks ago but never heard back. She informed me she will be here friday! So I called her back. Shes coming over with her kids friday eve so we can hang out. YAY! I will have a friend OVER!


We talked a bit, her husband is in Washington till Sunday. She said she dropped him off at the airport and said YES IM FREE! She said that she is going out with girlfriend tomorrow night and has a babysitter lined. She also called for a housekeeper to come clean her house Friday. Her husband gets mad at her for using this so shes not supposed to but she said she didnt care, hes gone, Shes doing it! Heck shes a stay home mom of 4 all under the age of 8 and she homeschools. Let the woman have some help!


She also said her husband just went off Paxil. Hes been on it for 3 yrs and they are “Adjusting” as she put it. So she said he doesnt really like having people around. He throws a fit when her mom comes to stay for a weekend. Which is so terribly sad! My friend K was always the most social outgoing fun person. She threw tea parties for the church women at her mothers house and they were the most wonderful events a person has ever seen!


She also talked to me about dating. Ahhh yes. I didnt say much. She asked if I was still seeing B. I said yes, but no talk of anything serious such as marriage. That Im in no rush and not in that place at all.


She said “Well I just want to see you make good choices” And she talked about how we were both young when we married and married for wrong reasons. We both married supposed Christian men but they are so dysfunctional its not even funny.

She was telling me that she has been listening to a CD by Lisa Beamer(sp?) The wife of one of the guys who died on the hijacked planes on 911. She speaks about their marriage, their relationship, the homes and backgrounds they came from. I guess Lisa was going to marry this other guy, something about the day before the wedding. Her mother came up to her and said “Lisa Im only gonna say this once, I dont think this is the one” and I guess a girlfriend also did this with her, They both said they liked the guy and would love her and support her decision. Well she didnt marry this guy, and well then she married the guy who was killed. And how she waited for someone who modeled what her Dad showed her and she didnt settle. She waited for what it was she was looking for.


And she found this wonderful man. :::Sigh:::


Ill have to get a copy of her story. Anyone else read it or heard it?


Just reminds me of what Im in. Sound familiar?


Ive also been in contact with women from a site I visit. Im getting messages. Its kinda wild. To talk with women in similar situations, but now Ive left and Im a encouragement to women much older then me?


I posted a new link in my Menu on the side, The top one on verbal abuse. Its an awesome site! Make sure to visit it ok!

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