What to do with Me?

Dear Diary,


Well its raining here! It doesnt rain much so its welcome. The power went off in the early morning hours, my youngest comes in to tell me his light burned out. Then he comes in and says “Mom the TV doesnt work!” Then in dawned on me power was out. So had no idea the time and now my alarm clock wouldnt go off. So clicked on the TV and saw it was around 6:30am. We would have all slept if the kids didnt wake up early.


The power came on shortly after.


I was feeling a little lonely and sad last night. Ive been doing pretty good lately. But last night I was once again seeing my growing frustration about the relationship with B. Its beginning to spring up again.


I then thought about all the men I knew, men I seem to meet. How they just really arent what Im looking for? The only guy I know at this point Id even maybe consider may be someone to try out getting to know would be drool dude. He told me a few days as we said goodbye that he likes me a lot. 🙂 But then again he asks “So when are you going to drive out this way?” and well hes over 3 1/2 hrs away. Im all cool with distance to be honest, its the other person that I take issue with. I will drive back and forth to see a person I love if I can do it. So I just feel like why even put energy into somebody that I would have to do the driving to see? Then I just think of my girlfriend I spoke to earlier in the week and the men in this area where I live. People tell me “You need to meet someone in your town” It seems I just dont. Havent even really met any I like to be honest. But then again where do I go locally to meet others? Its either been church or work.


So I laid in bed watching tv last night. B called around 10:30pm. He does call me everyday now. 🙂 He had just got in once again late, his car is SUPPOSED to be done today. Shall wait to hear if it all went well. He was asking me how my day was, how I was. The usual. And I just dont really have much to say. I then got on the topic of the episode of FRIENDS last night. I thought the story line was so cute and hilarious with Freddie Prince Jr playing the Nanny. Ohhh I loved it! I was telling B about it and he went off into his little speech of how a chick really wouldnt like a guy who cries a lot, blah blah blah. How on earth did we go in that direction? I was telling him how cute the story line was, that Ross felt the dude was too sensitive and Rachel just loved the guy. I was just sharing it and then B was picking it apart.


We then talked about work, about how I have had a few people telling me to get another job I could make a lot more money. And B went over a break down of how I have increased my sales and worth and did the numbers. I dont know what to do here. 🙁 There are a lot of positives to my job. I would prefer to stay put, go to college while Im working here, and with the new year start up my home business again. So I do plan on changes here soon. Just stuck in legal divorce limbo SUCKS!


B then says in the middle of us talking jobs and income “Im sorry but this is totally off subject here, but do you know how hot you are naked?”


This totally threw me off! haha


It actually was NICE to hear a compliment about me, it just seems lately I dont hear that type of thing from him. I feel that I make most of the sexual advances or say the nice words. And I have missed hearing it from him. So of course it felt good to hear. I said back “So am I hot when Im clothed?” he laughed and said of course, but that he was just thinking about me, and how much he loves having me naked in bed pressed up against him, how women can look so different clothed, but once the clothes come off its another story. And how I look just as wonderful.


I addressed Thanksgiving. I told him straight forward. ” I want to runaway for THanksgiving” He said “Yeah? Where to?” I replied “I dont care, I dont care if its a Motel 6. I just want to get away” And he just replied with “Well we shall see” Im all about planning. I was telling Music Dude yesterday how ideally Id like to get away at least one night overnight, get a hotel, and B and I go out to eat for Thanksgiving somewhere nice, have nice romantic alone time in a hotel. Music Dude said “Well its sounds good, so what does B say?” I said “We shall see” is his answer.


You have to plan things like this! ANd I told Music Dude Id have to pay for it all to even get it planned. Im looking for the partner thing where we both discuss something and each chip in. It doesnt really have to be super expensive. And B is making good money right now. That week will be my payday so I can kick in a little also. But I just feel like the lonely dreamer over here.


Oh my what am I gonna do with myself?

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