Life Coulda Been?

As I was driving yesterday I kept seeing trucks, similar to my Ex’s. I always get nervous and think hes in town and look. I started to think about how well we were doing in the worldly sense. What kind of life we could have had. NOTICE I SAID HAD.

We started from the bottom, being on assistance, low income housing, one old car.

Come the last year of our marriage. We had excellent credit, he got a new truck, his first and his dream vehicle, we bought a house right when the market was low and with his skills he remodeled most of the place and it saved us a ton him doing all the work. We would have had all our debts paid off by the end of the year.

Heck we could have started to travel, take trips, buy a trailer for traveling, do that type of stuff. We were moving up in the world.

Yet in my mind I knew those things were possible with our income. We were fine. But it was his impulsive habit of spending that I was always combating. So it doesnt mean we would have arrived to that place I wanted to be in. I tried so hard to have a savings and just gave up. I placed every free available dime on credit cards and loans he created to get them paid off.

All I hold right now from the marriage is one Visa card with a $800 balance. Whew, I paid off all the others all by myself. Mainly thanks to my Tax refund last year. I cant wait till I get the next one! It will probably be my last year of getting earned income credit. I do owe my mom so much though. I have no idea how much Ive borrowed now. 🙁 I need to ask her today. She lent me both attorney retainer fees, and has covered all my little ones dentals problems. But I am glad those are the only things I have borrowed money for. All the regular month to month bills ive managed. But I must owe her around $6000.

I really want to get some home repairs done. 2 major ones that need to be done are the roof, and the shower in this house.

I was reading an article at the dentist the other day about a family who bought a house and started to have health problems. Strange problems, and not knowing why, they tried everything, the kids were having respiratory probs, nose bleeds, suffering in school. The pets were acting strange, and the couple were at odds and fighting. Until her mom saw a show on water damage inside of homes and mold growing inside the walls, making the home toxic. She had wiped away a black spot on a bathroom wall that was like mold before. Well they called in some people to test the air quality, and they were immediatly told the house had toxic levels and to grab a few things and leave ASAP and to wash the clothes they do take right away. The house now sits with signs on it, its unsafe. Turned out the inner walls were full of mold, the roof was bad and the rain had gotten in and turned out they had about 7 different slow water leaks they were unaware of.

Reason i say this is because this shower was the one bad thing in this place, that should not have passed inspection and should have been fixed, but we didnt know about that stuff, plus my ex was in this kind of business and he would get it replaced. Well basically the water was leaking in behind the wall, my mother changed out the handles and all that and stopped one leak. But the shower stall itself needs to totally be ripped out. Its got gaps everywhere and the pan is leaking. Since my ex has left the shower runs less. Its just me. But when my ex was here he often showered twice daily for long periods with the pressure on high, the water was leaking thru the wall to the backyard! You could see a constant wet spot on the outside stucco. So that freaks me out. My sons room neighbors that wall. And also we had a water leak on the roof 2 yrs ago when the cooler wasnt hooked up properly and water leaked into the cieling of that room also. Thankfully we live in a dry hot climate. So I think that being a one time thing its cool. But the shower is another thing. I know it needs to be ripped out(its tile) and I really want to see what the walls look like behind it, if it is indeed full of mold.

So we shall see come tax time next year how much I get and what I do with it all.