Pastrami?

Dear Diary,

Something just clicked with me. Its miniscule sounding, but it connected.

Last night we stopped in a drive through. Im picky about what I have on my food. So we ordered burgers. 2 different kinds. I had a bacon with beef, he had pastrami and beef(B that is) So when we got back to my house I of course disected mine and took off what i didnt want. Well B looked at it and said “What is that yours?” I said yes? All fearful, then he discovered I took his burger by mistake. I was so apologetic. I said I could put it back together, He kept saying “ITS OKAY” and I kept trying to apologize and want to fix it.

Omgod! HOW PATHETIC! Im looking back at myself last night and realizing how fearful I was feeling I was going to upset B and trying to Make it better and B was totally telling me ITS FINE. ITS OK. Each time I tried to do anything.

I flashed back to the restaraunt, the bread and me moving the tomatoes off and how he was upset I was doing this and asking me what I was doing and making a ticked off sigh noise and look at me for what I was doing.

I dont want to end up in this kind of crap.

This is why I get scared. I see signs, but then as a human race we are imperfect.

I noticed how I say sorry and I dont hurt people intentionally when I do something I say sorry and make amends. B on the other hand goes on the defensive and well just call himself worthless and a piece of shit if I say he has hurt my feelings. I said “Is it so hard to say your sorry? Instead of getting cocky?” he goes off into self pity. I want to nip these things in the butt, I dont wanna fall into these stupid traps that start out another bad relationship.